Being the third wheel is a notoriously awkward and isolating experience, and one that everyone finds themselves in at some point or another. It’s one thing third-wheeling a long-term, very much loved-up, basically married couple. Often it’s an accident: you’re hanging out with a group of friends who slowly peter out until, before you know it, you’re left with a couple and are forced to navigate the thorny situation. Fortunately, they’re normally used to having company, and have spent enough time with each other already that they’re not too mad about you getting in the way of their alone time.

It’s another thing being there for the early days, the will-they-won’t-they days, the we’re-basically-a-couple-but-just-haven’t-had-that-chat-yet days. In some cases, you’re specifically invited to chaperone a date, typically in the infancy of the relationship, functioning as a wingman and ally in this critical period. Conversely, such a situation can seem to come from nowhere: one minute, you’re a trio of friends hanging out, then next thing you know you find yourself in the midst of unexpected flirting.

This semi-dating period can be wildly uncomfortable for the unfortunate third wheel. You’re semi-wanted there – in so far as your presence is what makes this linkup not an official date – so there are less stakes at play for them, and if all goes to hell, you’re there to bridge the gap and function as a coverup for their failed romantic advances. On the other hand, your presence is also semi-resented and semi-ignored, as all three of you know that the prospective couple are way more interested in each other than in you, and nothing you could say will ever be remotely as funny, interesting or meaningful as what the other person comes out with.

“You will never have felt so single in your whole life”

On top of all this, there’s the beginnings of the dreaded PDA: the touching of the arm, the sitting very close, the hand on the thigh. You will never have felt so single in your whole life than when you’re the sole witness to all of this. You are, of course, happy for them, but at the same time, you’re being very much reminded of everything you’re missing out on: either by thinking back to an ex, or realising that you’ve been a chronic third wheel your whole life.

However, perhaps the bad rep of third wheeling ought to be reconsidered. During this liminal period you get the delight of witnessing a friend’s awkward attempts at flirting, which can be quite amusing, and, if it ends up not working out in this make-or-break stage, you’ll have a shared funny memory of that time. Well, it probably won’t be quite so funny in their eyes (at least not straight away).

“Perhaps the bad rep of third wheeling ought to be reconsidered”

What’s more, you’re likely to make a new friend. You’d like to think that your friend would have good taste and pick someone they’re compatible with, who, by extension, should also be compatible with you as a result of your shared interests and values that brought you together as friends in the first place. However, it should probably be noted that friend code dictates that your friendship with them is contingent on the survival of the relationship – so maybe don’t get too attached!

Another undeniable advantage of being the third wheel is the opportunity to meet your very own special someone. The happy couple will (hopefully) have some other single friends they could set you up with, giving rise to the opportunity for double dates, where the four of you can defuse the tension during these early days together.

Finally, if all goes well, you’re a shoo-in for that best man or maid of honour spot, and the speech will basically write itself. You will have been there since day one, so it’s only fair that you get the recognition for the slight awkwardness you endured in order for the couple to get to this point. Maybe being the third wheel isn’t so awful after all!