“I’ve heard everything shuts down and everyone’s locked in their rooms/libraries until May Week. Is it actually possible to have somewhat of a ‘uni experience’ in Easter Term at Cambridge?”

Surely, it’s common knowledge that the ‘uni experience’ regarding nightlife doesn’t properly exist in Cambridge. Of course, pubs remain open, as do college bars, and people definitely still go to them sometimes – perhaps even more often than usual due to the tragic closure of the atrocities we call Wevs and Skikis… Extracurricular activities wind down, yes, but lots of societies, and the sports and arts scenes remain active. In a way, Easter is actually the best time, after Freshers’, to try something new or get involved at a low-commitment level – e.g. with one of the many, many May Week plays. There will always be individuals who drop off the face of the planet in their quest to obtain a first – I knew someone who even went as far as living off GoPuff, fearing even a daring venture to Mainsbury’s may prove too distracting to the grind. Rest assured, this is an extreme and only the behaviour of one extremely mentally disturbed individual, not the majority of students!

“In a way, Easter is actually the best time, after Freshers’, to try something new or get involved at a low-commitment level”

“I messed up and don’t currently have a May Ball ticket. I was so excited about going to one, but it seems everyone else is also frantically trying to secure tickets…”

SAME (if anyone reading wants to sell me a Trinity or Jesus ticket, contact alf49@cam.ac.uk – please and thank you). ’Tis the season to scour Ticketbridge (I’d recommend at least twice a day) and pester anyone, no matter how little you know them, at colleges with popular balls for any leads. Time is of the essence before name changes go up astronomically as May Week etches forward, this means there will 100% be tickets available (yes, even for Trinity). But at that price, you may want to ask yourself: is it worth it?

“My best friend’s taste in men is self-harm, she deserves the world but she picks her partners very unwisely and it’s left to me to be a shoulder to cry on when she’s treated horrifically. I feel so sorry for her, but it’s so draining for me to see her in this toxic cycle. Do you have any advice?”

There’s always that one friend who is clearly red-green colour blind. While their messy dating life never makes for dull conversation (and a reminder why I stay single), I very much agree it is painful to see your friends so dejected after being taken for mugs by someone who’s punching in every capacity. Trust me, I’ve been there. A lot. Once you’ve seen this travesty occur more than three times, you have to give up your last ounce of hope that your friend will realise their self worth and resign yourself to the fact that you may, ultimately, have the opportunity to stand up at the wedding and screech “ME!” when the priest enquires: “Are there any objections to this marriage, or any reason these people should not be joined in holy matrimony?”

“ask yourself: aren’t you deep down jealous of the ‘jobless’ friend whose life is one big side quest?”

“I don’t have any internship ready for the summer, what do I do? I’m so cooked!”

You are not cooked. Internships are crazy competitive (so I’ve heard, I’ve never actually applied for one – I don’t even know where to find ones to apply for so I’m really not the person to ask). Sorry. BUT I can advise you on how to live your best jobless life like me! While all your peers are quite literally slaving, running around delivering coffees to analysts and having their ideas stolen without pay or credit, you could be living it up as the unemployed friend. It sounds like a career death sentence, but ask yourself: aren’t you, deep down, jealous of the ‘jobless’ friend whose life is one big side quest? I can promise you they’re always a lot more content. Be spontaneous: look for a random job abroad on Worldpackers, do some enriching voluntary work, get involved in the most fun but niche hobby you can think of – god forbid, but get ahead of the next year’s work if you’re not a finalist (or, if you are, go for that law conversion course or apply for a deferred panic master’s). If doing some sort of internship really is the be all and end all, remember the very Cambridgesque tradition of nepotism – do you know someone who could give you one? Alternatively, could you date somebody who could get you one?

Disclaimer: Auntie Alice takes no responsibility for accidental human trafficking, friendship breakups or permanent barred entry to May Balls