It’s Halloween, arguably the scariest time of the year, especially if you’re an introvert with a fear of clowns who just got invited to a clown-themed party (Emily, I love you, but please, I will have a panic attack). Don’t fear, Jess and I are here with our top tips on how to pull off the nonchalant mid-party disappearance. It’ll keep your friendships intact, and leave people at the party thinking: “woah, who was that effortlessly cool, mysterious, sexy person with a fear of clowns who was here for such a brief moment?”.

The classic ghost

Your first option would be to just leave. No goodbyes, no fuss, just you embracing the nature of the season and ghosting your friends, gliding out of the door in one swift, painless Irish exit. Worried that it’s rude? Please excuse our bluntness, but no one will notice you. First of all, Halloween is the one time of year where it’s socially acceptable to show up at a stranger’s home dressed as a sexy ladybird, covered in fake blood for extra measure. The room is a sea of red and black polka dots, and you’re just one of them. All anyone will see is one ladybird caught dramatically in the narrow doorway, battling and pleading with her glittery Amazon wings to let her out, but they won’t see you. You are invisible. Secondly, this is a house party. Everyone will be too smashed to care – at least they should be; if they’re not, it’s definitely a party worth leaving.

“As soon as the introduction is made, you can then swiftly leave, as their magnetic chemistry will act as an invisibility cloak for your exit”

The matchmake and make a break

Your second option is less obvious to those unfamiliar with the art of disappearing from a party, but if you learn this trick it works a treat. For this option, you’ll need to actually talk to people, so, if that’s a step too far, pick another option. All you have to do is find two people at the party who you believe will have great chemistry and then proceed to set them up. Exhibit A: you meet someone called Lindsay. Lindsay speaks French and has an interest in film photography. Then you meet a guy called Pierre who is carrying a camera and complaining about the dim lighting. After talking to both independently, you mention to one: “Oh, have you met Pierre?”. Voila. As soon as the introduction is made, you can then swiftly leave, as their magnetic chemistry will act as an invisibility cloak for your exit. Plus, you’ll have great material for a speech at their destination wedding in Saint-Tropez in five years’ time.

“They’ll think you’re fighting for your life on/into the toilet”

The monster-please-I-don’t-want-to-go-to-Mash

Inevitably, at a party there will always be calls to go to the club. However, one way to avoid a long night is to cause a dance storm early on. Let’s set the scene: it’s 10pm, someone has finally connected the JBL speaker, and the dance floor is empty. Then you step onto the scene, a blur of dazzling movements, leaving nothing left for Mash. Bonus points if you’ve got a projector, Just Dance and/or can do the worm. No one wants to go to the club as a hot, sweaty mess, so wear your best John Travolta costume and dance until everyone is exhausted by 10:30pm. If you cannot dance then I am so sorry, there is nothing I can do for you, find the kitchen and see if they have any cheese straws.

The spooky pull-a-sickie scheme

It would be perfectly understandable to people if you told them that those gummy brains and witch finger biscuits did not sit right with your stomach. No one knows who made the snacks at this party, but I bet their hands weren’t washed. Here’s what I propose: eat a few of each in front of the right audience, wait a few minutes, then proceed to clutch your stomach in mock despair, make some strange noises, pull a worrying facial expression and dash to the bathroom. While you’re in there you can use your Halloween makeup palette to enhance your sickly complexion, but outside? They’ll think you’re fighting for your life on/into the toilet. Then, emerging from the bathroom accompanied by some monstrous groaning, you can say you’re heading home. No one wants to be the designated babysitter at the party, and nobody enjoys being splashed with spew, therefore you’re unlikely to be met with any resistance. It’s a foolproof plan!