With the end of summer on the horizon and the new academic year quickly approaching, it’s time for the family to expand once again – the college family, that is. The role of a college parent is one received with varying degrees of interest and enthusiasm – and, trust me, where you sit on the scale is entirely visible to your new child (which may not bother you, because, understandably, adoption of another teenager at 19 is something few people choose). Unsure on what your parenting style will be? Take this quiz to find out!

You find out who your child is and receive their contacts from your freshers’ rep. You…

A) Send a massive paragraph introducing yourself, and offer to meet before they move in

B) Send them a quick message saying hi – no follow-ups necessary

C) Send them links to the best club tickets; you have to start your quest to be a ticket rep early

D) Do nothing with the information – they’ll find out who you are when they get to college

It’s the day your child is moving into college. You…

A) Ask them when they’re getting there and offer to help them unpack if they need it

B) Bump into them in plodge and introduce yourself properly

C) Send them in the direction of the JCR for a freshers’ week wristband – it’s way more important than getting your room key

D) See them across court and smile

It’s family night, the perfect chance to properly meet your college children. You…

A) Book a table at one of your favourite restaurants in Cam, where you and your college partner get to know your children

B) Invite your friends and all of your children round for pizza

C) Introduce them to the college cocktails and follow up with Cambridge’s best cheesy chips

D) Say they can join you and your friends if they want to, but that you’re planning on going out straight after anyway

It’s week one and your child is frankly terrified by the amount of work set for their first few supervisions. You…

A) Offer to meet for a coffee and bring along your work from the same time last year

B) Send some notes over email that day and tell them that they’ll be okay – everyone struggles at the start

C) Tell them that most supervisors don’t expect you to do all of the work anyway – an essay plan is more than enough sometimes

D) See their message after a week or so, and then reply: “It’s Cambridge, they make it hard on purpose. You’ll be fine.”

You see your college child looking alone and confused in the college buttery. You…

A) Go over and invite them to sit with you and your friends. You make an active effort to include them in the conversation, asking how they’re finding freshers’ week and reminiscing on your own

B) Call them over and ask if they’re okay

C) Ask if they’ve recovered from the night before. It seems that you successfully passed down the partying gene and had seen them heading off into town after more than a few drinks in the college bar last night

D) Leave them to it – they’ll figure it out, and are best left alone

If you picked mostly As:

You want to be a friend and trusted confidante to your child. College parenting can be about so much more than academic support. Sometimes forcing the parent-child friendship can veer into a dangerously cringe territory (think the criticism of Lorelai Gilmore and her questionable parenting techniques). That said, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be a parent and a friend, and it often happens naturally based on your shared interests – whether they care about your degree or not.

If you picked mostly Bs:

You’ll be there for whatever your child needs – so long as it’s academic. There’s a reason that college families are (usually) assigned based on subject – you’re there to help your college kids through that overwhelming first year at Cambridge. From supervisions to lectures to exams, your kids have no way of knowing how this new academic environment is going to look, feel, and sometimes hurt. But you do. You’ve lived it – and hopefully you’re in a stable enough place after surviving it to offer advice and support on how you made it through.

If you picked mostly Cs:

What’s the point of parenthood if not to pass down your partying ways? You took college parenting as a fulfillment of your duty to teach freshers all of your hard-earned lessons from first year – whether it be the best club nights, the top colleges for cheap cocktails, or the easiest bops to get into as a non-college member.

If you picked mostly Ds:

Parenthood was never your plan, and that’s okay. Your college child may feel the sting a little bit in freshers’ week, but they’ll soon find their feet. College families are a cute tradition, but you’re not too fussed about keeping up with it… let’s just hope they don’t call you out on it.