1st August

Lowell

First night in the city. Everything’s lively: the people are out, drinking, having fun, the atmosphere’s kicking! Meanwhile I’m at the flat and Harry’s out looking for aloe vera oil for me. I burnt my hand in the toaster.

2nd August

Harry

First flat sharing issue: Lowell’s not leaving and I need to use the loo. I’m an awkward pooer.

 

4th August

Lowell

Harry and I are sharing a bed together. After much discussion we’ve decided I can take role of big spoon as long as he takes the role of ladle. He’s more tender than I’d imagined.

 

9th August

Harry

A girl came up to us today and said ‘My friend saw your show the other night and said the ginger one was really fit’. I said ‘Wow, thank you, that’s very kind of you’. Then the girl pointed at Lowell and said, ‘No! He’s good ginger, you’re bad ginger’. 

 

9th August

Lowell

Apparently I’m ‘good ginger’. But also ‘the less funny one’. Swings and roundabouts.

 

12th August

Harry

Wrote a new song today. It’s called ‘Stop stealing all the duvet you insufferable douche’. Lowell’s read far too much into it.

 

15th August

Lowell

Our producer, Daisy, is very good at charming old men into coming to see the show. Two turned up and asked mid-show where she was. When they realized she wasn’t in the show they left.

 

17th August

Harry

Girl shouted out in gig today ‘I met you when I was fourteen!’ I crassly asked if we’d ever slept together. I knew we hadn’t. She’s not one of my five.

 

22nd August

Lowell

I am writing this from the kitchen floor. It’s 5.30am. Harry called me up half an hour ago: he’s bagged himself some late-night loving and he needs the bedroom for the purposes of nookie. There’s only so many times you can ignore a man begging ‘pleeeeaseee’ to you down the phone. He has his wish. I am cold.

 

22nd August

Harry

It’s 5.30am. I’ve finally managed to bring back a girl! Number six here I come! So why am I writing this? I should be getting some sweet nookie action. She’s just sitting over there getting increasingly annoyed. I need to stop pandering to the needs of the Varsity website - definitely writing this in real time, and not months later for comic effect. (But seriously, I was terrified of her sexual confidence.)

 

27th August

Lowell

I want to get down to the main and most pressing issue of today: I decided to do the final show in just my pants. I don’t know why I decided this as I have no hair on my chest, a scrawny little man-child’s body and about as much physical allure as roadkill. Still, the strange rotund bald man on the front row seemed to enjoy it.

 

28th August

Harry

Goodbye beautiful lovely Edinburgh! I recommend the festival to everyone, it’s just great. I only hope our Cambridge run on 17th and 19th of August, 11pm at the ADC theatre is half as good as this. 

I am, I am is showing at the ADC on... ah, I see what you did there - ed.