A degree at Cambridge University can feel all-consuming: the University even tells its students not to have a job alongside their studies. Yet, in 2019, 5.8% of Cambridge students were raising children at the same time. Laryssa is a married 35-year-old mum to two daughters aged 5 and 3 and 2nd year law undergraduate at Hughes Hall. Her experience of being a student mother at Cambridge is a perspective that is not only rarely talked about, but which appears to be anathema to the University’s very culture.

You’d be better off just doing an easier degree at Anglia Ruskin, and properly taking care of your kids

Although Laryssa describes her situation to me with a smile, being a Cambridge student-parent is relentlessly intense. She tells me she knows of only one other student parent at Hughes, and says that people generally don’t know what her life is like. Those who do know about Laryssa’s situation sometimes doubt her. One relative  told Laryssa that “you’d be better off just doing an easier degree at Anglia Ruskin, and properly taking care of your kids”. Some supervisors are very understanding. But on one occasion when Laryssa handed in an essay 5 minutes late, she was told that they wouldn’t take her essay if it happened again. “It was this week that we were all sick in my household. Every parent knows that if you have a kid in nursery, you get sick all the time.” While Laryssa notes that support from staff is readily verablised, she says that in reality supervisors “are less willing to give support and more willing to be like it’s okay to get a lower grade, or we all understand if you don’t do as well".

Finding childcare provision for when Laryssa is studying and her husband is at work is another huge challenge. The University’s childcare service is oversubscribed, and students struggle to deal with the cost. “Nursery costs £1,400 a month [for one child] – who can afford that? Not many people if you’re a one-income household now that you’re a student.” Laryssa adds that the University offers little financial support for student parents. “A lot of the people I know that maybe would like to go back to uni can’t/ wouldn’t be able to afford it, particularly because of childcare costs”.

In reality supervisors are less willing to give support and more willing to be like it’s okay to get a lower grade

Studying and parenting leave Laryssa with very little free time. Rowing is one of the only times she can destress and socialise, with the added benefit of allowing her to avoid the school run. She tells me that her schedule is only possible because of her supportive husband. But even though he does most of the childcare during term time, her daily routine still revolves around her daughters – “I just do the degree in between”. The holidays, when her children take up even more of her time, are busier still. Any time that Laryssa makes for herself is therefore hard-won. Sometimes weeks pass when she only says ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ to her partner.

With so much pressure, self-doubt can creep in— worst of all during exam season. Laryssa recalls her brother-in-law’s wedding in May, when she had all-over rashes from the stress. “I was doing my makeup for the wedding while I was in a constitutional law supervision… I was like ‘What am I doing?’ ‘Why have I done this to myself?’… But I’ve learned to look ahead and keep an eye on the prize.” Smilingly, Laryssa also admits that whenever she second-guesses her decision to do a degree, she Googles ‘newly qualified lawyer salaries’.

You’re never too old. It is possible, it is hard, but it’s nothing that we can’t do

For all its challenges, being a student mother has given Laryssa a unique perspective. She remembers laughing to herself at a Camfess user who worriedly asked how she could know if she were ‘hot or not’. With two young daughters in her life, Laryssa has a constant reminder that there are at least two more important things than that. The skills Laryssa has gained from motherhood have also helped her studies, and vice versa. “Being a mum, you have to be a time management pro, otherwise nothing gets done”. Her children also put her studies in perspective: “It’s not just my career anymore, it’s their lives”.

Aspiring to become an international commercial solicitor, Laryssa is excited for what lies ahead— even though that will mean even more intense studies and internships alongside bringing up two daughters. As we wrap up, I ask what advice she has for other parents who are considering a degree. “You’re never too old, it is possible. It is hard, but it’s nothing that we can’t do.” And as for everyone else? “Employ mums; talk to mums; ask mums for advice because we can do so much: because we have to”, and most importantly … “help mums”.