It’s been a difficult start to the season for the college teams of the Bottom Division. As if putting out some form of respectable side on a weekly basis is not difficult enough for our colleges, they have been put in the mire by the league organisers by having to play local sixth-form colleges and, terrifyingly, ARU first team. St Andrews sixth-pack having racked up twenty goals in their first four games. ARU follow not far behind, having recently dispatched Emma III (arguably the best college side in the league) by 10 goals to 1. One can only imagine what carnage lies in wait when Anglia Ruskin plays whipping boys Homerton IV or Caius IV.

More disappointingly for our college teams, those precious three points that are always guaranteed by playing Peterhouse II have been cruelly stolen away as Peterhouse have dropped out of the league after failing to get a team. Fortunately for most sides Clare III are still around and having conceded 14 goals in their first two games of the season, Bottom Division strikers everywhere are rubbing their hands in anticipation of some comic defending and some standard Division 7 goal-keeping.

The matches so far this season have been extremely competitive. That rare breed of footballer who inhabits Division 7 takes himself extremely seriously and always has the misplaced self-belief he is good enough to play for a better team. As a result tackles fly in – often around the knee caps – and angry words are often exchanged between opposition sides. The lack of protection offered by referees in this division (as the referee is always a subsitute from one of the teams and thus has a remarkably one-sided view of proceedings) means that the football here is not for the faint of heart.

For the spectator (there are never any) Bottom Division football is a treat. Ringers are always brought in from better teams to play up front and cause a huge amount of panic with the defenders of limited ability. Defending is put on the backburner as teams just aim to score goals. It is, after all, a bit of fun. Except playing ARU. Frozen pitches please?

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