Under the Oxford English Dictionary definition of ‘hit-or-miss’ lies the concept of a first date. This could be the night the stars align and you meet the person of your dreams – a story you’ll recount for years on end while gazing wistfully at your wedding photo. More likely is the possibility that it’ll just be fine – “meh” you’ll think as you walk alongside your partner for the evening, holding up a not-completely-terrible conversation and strategising on how to make your exit after a polite two hours. All of this aside, though, which setting will you choose for testing these infamously murky waters?

Where did you meet your date?

A) At college (cest)

B) Through a mutual friend

C) In a lecture hall

D) Out and about

E) On Hinge

How would you describe yourself in three words?

A) Laid-back, chill, and chatty

B) Classy, flirty, and fun

C) Engaging, ‘locked-in’, and ambitious

D) Active, outdoorsy, and talkative

E) Funny, outgoing, and adventurous

What do you look for in a partner?

A) A good listener and engaged conversationalist

B) Someone who wants to take you out and treat you

C) Someone with the same goals for the future as you

D) An appreciator of the simple things in life

E) Someone to keep you on your toes and keep you laughing

What is your idea of a nightmarish date?

A) Something fast-paced and active. Even worse if there’s scoring or teams involved

B) No alcohol to settle the nerves

C) Something that pulls you away from your supervision work for too long. You have your priorities in order and I respect it

D) Intense eye-contact across the dinner table

E) A film or a dinner – anything involving sitting down for extended periods of time

What is your love language?

A) Words of affirmation

B) Receiving gifts

C) Acts of service

D) Quality time

E) Physical touch

If you got mostly As…

The classic coffee. It’s a potentially boring, but always safe, option. It can be a quick 30 minute chat, or you can drag it out all day – why not work your way slowly down the drinks menu? Personally, when I say coffee I actually mean hot chocolate because I can’t stand the taste of it, but I’m still an avid supporter of the “we should grab a coffee sometime” motto, remaining in awe of its ability to remain so simultaneously flirty and casual; it’s a classic for a reason.

If you got mostly Bs…

The “let’s go out for a drink.” A different sort of drinks menu is on the cards here; still a classic but this time with a bit more of a romantic vibe. Maybe it’s the fact it’s the evening, or it’s the mood lighting in the pub, or it’s the fact that a drink or two is a great way to loosen up a tad – either way, it’s hard to go wrong. Oh, and if you’re using it as a pres to go out with your friends after – bonus points from me.

If you got mostly Cs…

The study date. I don’t know whether to be concerned or impressed that the Cambridge workload has managed to worm its way into our love lives so effortlessly that a date centred around two people sitting at their laptops has become the norm. Personally, I’m a big fan of this a few dates in, because why not kill two birds with one stone? But for me, I’m not sure it’s possible to be charmed, or to charm, successfully when there are aggressive echoes of keyboard tapping in the background and judgy looks from fellow students.

If you got mostly Ds…

The walk. I’m sure I could try and pull on some psychology here about the fresh air, or the sun, or even the lack of intense eye contact, but I’m not convinced it’s necessary. Sometimes, a nice walk is just that: nice.

If you got mostly Es…

The “I think we should do something fun.” Okay, is this incredibly vague? Yes. But you know exactly what I mean, it could be mini golf, it could be pool, whatever. It’s one of those dates where you’re trying to be different and get a little bit of friendly competition going, and the other person is 100% seeing it as a way to boost their ego when they think they’re winning. Fair warning though, depending on the person (i.e. if they’re a sore loser or not) the vibes of the date could massively shift if the score starts tipping in your favour. If anything, it’s a good test – of their fragile ego and of your trash talk.