It’s Easter term. I close my eyes and see quotes by Rousseau flash before my eyes. Quizlet haunts my dreams. Everytime I leave the library my eyes have to adjust to the brightness because I’ve forgotten what the world looks like. In summary: I have lost my mind, everyone around me has too, and the world has gone to chaos. Whether you are unhinged, or perfectly calm and normal, here’s a quiz for you to find out.

On your way to buy food, you walk past an interesting hat store. What do you do?

A) Walk past it, you have places to be and no need to go into a hat store.

B) Look in the window for 5 minutes, acknowledge the cool variety and then move along.

C) Go in, peruse the selections and try on a cowboy hat with tassels.

D) Spend all your life savings on a collection of bedazzled fedoras. You now own 5.

While watching stand up comedy the performer asks for a volunteer, what do you do?

A) Sit in your seat as still as a mouse.

B) Smile in the vague direction of the comedian but avoid eye contact.

C) Put your hand up timidly, indifferent about whether they pick you or not (you secretly really want them to pick you).

D) Put your hand straight up, before hopping on stage with a prepared monologue. Your grandmother told you you were funny once when you were 7, ever since you have felt that you were made for comedy. This is kismet.

You have work due tomorrow, but it’s getting late. What do you do?

A) Work for a little bit longer and then get a good night’s sleep. Anything more you need to do, you can do in the morning.

B) Stay up late to get it done. You’ll pull an all-nighter if you have to, and be a little dazed tomorrow.

C) Make two cups of coffee and listen to the Mamma Mia soundtrack while working into the morning.

D) Move to France and start a second life. Your supervisor will understand.

Someone you matched with a while ago on Hinge runs into you in town. What do you do?

A) Walk past them, it’s no big deal.

B) Make slightly awkward eye contact and almost walk into a wall.

C) Go for a wave and then take it back so it looks like you’ve half broken out into an interpretative dance.

D) Stop, drop, and roll. Seeing them sent you into fight or flight and suddenly you are acting like a concussed firefighter.

You go to a party and a stranger asks you about yourself. What do you do?

A) Introduce yourself and make charming yet polite conversation.

B) Say what you study and then stand there for a little bit in silence.

C) Forget what your name is and make a joke about arugula that doesn’t land.

D) Skip the small talk and launch into an impression of the shrimp from Shark Tale. It tells them everything they need to know about you, and you can tell in their eyes that they’re falling in love. You’re not looking for anything long-term, and you know you’ll break their heart, but you can’t help it that you’re incredible at impressions. It’s a burden you’ve had to carry your whole life.

If you picked mostly As

Congratulations, you are perfectly hinged! If you were a door you’d be a bestseller at B&Q. Your calmness and sense astounds everyone you meet, and you don’t ever feel the need to spend your savings on a bedazzled fedora. You have your life together and I’m in complete admiration. I don’t know how you do it.

If you picked mostly Bs

You are a little unhinged, but only a tad. You don’t do anything crazy, but sometimes you’ll push the boat out and buy a caramel flavoured ice coffee instead of the normal one. You’ve pretty much got everything together, but if someone starts playing Hamilton you will burst out into song.

If you picked mostly Cs

You are leaning into quite unhinged territory. You’re not sure what day it is, and try to use the shadows from lampposts as a sundial to work out the time. You’ve embraced the chaos, and like to lean into spontaneity. Every now and again, you start tearing up in public thinking about how good Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked is.

If you picked mostly Ds

The door has no hinge. You are off your axis. I don’t know whether to be scared or amazed. No one knows what you’ll do next, and you don’t know what you’ll do either. You’re probably on a tightrope right now, or in a proposal flashmob. You may be unhinged, but you will never be boring.