GOLDEN GLOBES SPECIAL

The Golden Globes make me about as excited as does the prospect of clear up after Pembroke Bop. Luckily the internet is on hand to fill in any gaps my own enthusiasm leaves gaping and raw. Enjoy.

1. Woman wears dress. World reacts.

Yes you heard it here for the 68th time (estimated average). Jennifer Lawrence wore clothes in public.

As the picture shows, another woman also wore a dress, but the world cared less about that one, even though she is more prominent in the picture. Upon news that the woman was attending a social event in fabric replete with stitching, the internet sought to learn from her, and mimetic osmosis via wifi began.

Fresh from catbreeding, meme conversion was also rife.

Perhaps more importantly, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler managed to present a rather long award show without any content that might be described as promoting hatred of women. There is always joy in novelty.

2. Bald men and water

Much in the spirit of the Golden Globes understanding of time, I am extending ‘the last week’ to include last November. Consequently meet Tim Tadder. A photographer by trade, he has developed a penchant for throwing water at bald people. Luckily he gets away with the frankly antisocial practice through said photography and mood lighting.

 

3. Eurovision watch (Part 2): Maria from Ukraine really, really loves her brother.

After last week’s trip to Minsk, it’s due south to Ukraine, a country with a fine Eurovision tradition. In previous years they have sent us drag act Verka Seduchka, whom Ukrainian MPs labelled ‘grotesque and vulgar’, Svetlana, who introduced the ‘Hell Machine’ to Eurovision and Zlata, who was carried on stage by a giant called Igor.

This year the mantle has passed to Maria Yaremchuk from Chernivitsi whose entry Tick Tock displays her love for her lover. And her brother. Though potentially they’re the same person. I’m rather confused.

Maria has found a rather wonderful lover. Indeed he’s been exciting some mightily hot passion: ‘Boy I’m melting like ice’. It’s probably the things he says that make her glow and mean her love is inexhaustive. A woman for who whom words come easily, Maria finds the perfect metaphor: ‘We belong to each other like a sister to a brother, eh’

And so a song written entirely via Google Translate creates a miracle of music.

4. Cat of the week hits the red carpet
Golden Globes "What were they thinking?" special.

In a week of fashion faux pas, some were more guilty than others. I present the downright unforgivable.

(Much thanks to Huffington Post Live’s expert commentary. I’d never have thought to say these things about people.)

Ooh. The brows. The brows. And the braids. When she stepped onto the red carpet, I mean, the brows were the first thing you saw. The rest of the makeup is barely even done. I don’t know if you have the side profile of this hair. It looks like a rat nest. It looks her lipstick is smeared. A beautiful girl but it’s just time to, you know, get a new gram squad girl.

I felt bad putting her because she’s been pregnant before. This is still an ugly dress. She looks like a cupcake. THIS IS PROM. Not Senior Prom it’s Junior Prom. It kind of looks like a bunch of Kleenexes stuck on there, and other things I won’t say.

This is a male cat.

5. Devil Baby

Five words. Devil. Baby. In. New. York. It sounds like a film. Because it is a film. Because they were promoting a film. Just watch the video.

(The film is actually called Devil’s Due. Based on no research, I will hazard a guess it is the musical interpretation of Rosemary’s Baby)

 6. Ducklings, children and mother Russia

The Flickr account of Elena Shumilova has been the toast of the interwebs this week, based on her ability to combine nature, cats, children, ducklings, and light filters in a series of beautiful photos of her life in rural Russia. Despite pleas from people linking the photos to sit back and be awash in a sea of pictoral bliss, I was distracted by the mutant dog.

 

 And finally,

If you’ve spent the last hour on Sporcle and still feel unsated, see if you can distinguish Dolores Umbridge’s musing on education policy from those of her muggle counterpoint Mr Gove in this wonderful quiz.