1. The ridiculously strong wind

2. Seriously. That fucking wind.

3. Useless lectures given by self-important academics.

4. Useful lectures given by amazing and inspiring academics at 9am on a Thursday morning.

5. Supervisors who, assuming fluency as standard, set compulsory essay questions which almost exclusively consist of a quotation in French without a translation.

6. Books and journals which don’t translate Latin, French, German, and Spanish quotations.

7. That sickening, bone-chilling horror when you look up and see the sweat-drenched ceiling of Life.

8. Sober Cindies.

9. In fact, the entire Cambridge clubbing scene (Spoons on a Friday exempted).

10. Arseholes in blazers and chinos who somehow manage to squander an unbelievably huge amount of my valuable and scarce human lifetime ordering rounds in pubs while I’m waiting to buy a pint.

11. Idiots who order a Guinness last in the round (this overlaps considerably with 10).

12. Extortionate drinks prices that make the mafia look reasonable.

13. The architectural atrocity that is the History Faculty.

14. The History Faculty Seeley Library, which is worth a special mention due to its oppressive, panopticon prison design.

15. Snobby students who talk about the 'town-gown divide' as if this should even be a thing

16. Students deriding “Dangerspoons” in a tone of middle-class superiority (overlaps with 15).

17. Working all-night shifts at May Balls.

18. Tourists who impressively manage, with no coordination, to walk with the speed of a glacier in a perfect V formation across the entire width of King’s Parade.

19. Intense and brutal academic stress.

20. That moment when you realise that you’ve accepted an offer for an MPhil course here, and that (if exams hopefully go well) you’ll still be battling that fucking wind after you graduate, in order to pursue a subject you truly love – despite everything. 

Have you got a couple of things you want to ‘Bye, Bitch’ about?
Let us know at features@varsity.co.uk