Bold pigeons caused chaos on student groupchats at HomertonFelix Armstrong for Varsity

Shit Hall!

Trinity Hall students were warned against locking the toilets from the outside in their library, warning against the “great inconvenience” and mess it could cause students. In an email to students, the College’s Junior Bursar emphasised the issues this could cause during exam term when essay-induced incontinence runs high. Some students have since suggested donning nappies in the depths of revision, a technique that has already been perfected by compscis.

Naked man found in John’s Gardens

Gardeners at St. John’s were left “ecstatic” when they noticed a rare plant, with phallic flowers resembling a naked man on college grounds. Orchis simia, often referred to as ‘Naked Hanging Man’, is one of the rarest orchids in the UK and has only been identified in three other national locations. David Brown, the Deputy Head Gardener, was the first to notice the flower and describes it as the “find of a lifetime”.

Yes you Cam!

Have you ever jumped in the River Cam on a night out and regretted it the next day? Well, now you can do it legally and safely! Just in time for the second wave of warmer weather, an area of the river at Sheep’s Green has been officially recognised as a wild bathing site. Following discussions earlier this year, the Environment Agency is now set to begin monitoring the water quality at 27 new swimming areas across the country, including the Cambridge spot. We expect to see you all there in a few weeks celebrating the end of exams.

Pesky pigeons plague pupils

Homerton students have been warned against “nuisance” pigeons who have been nesting under students’ beds. Pigeons “will think nothing of entering” student rooms and “leaving a mess,” read the note left by housekeepers, which was accompanied by a large image of a scary-looking pigeon. Earlier this year, the College advised students to decorate their rooms with cucumbers and cloves to ward off silverfish.