Caitlin Newman

If you don’t like Christmas songs, I get it. The radio cycles between the same ten options, beginning this annual ritual ever earlier each year. Even if you did love that collection of outdated, repetitive, sometimes even offensive numbers, it would get tired eventually. However, in the words of Band Aid (let’s not even get into that), there’s a world outside your window; just because you’re not being shown the best of what Christmas music has to offer, doesn’t mean it’s not out there.

As of late, I’ve perfected my formula for Christmas streaming. I must confess that I start the process early (maybe I won’t share how early…), but I don’t go straight in with the big-hitters. One of my first festive listens of this year was Sabrina Carpenter’s ‘A Nonsense Christmas’; this parody rendition of her original track ‘Nonsense’ is littered with festive innuendo and loosely adorned with bells, but otherwise feels relatively far removed from heavy festivity, providing the perfect warm-up act for the proceeding Christmas playlist.

“Just because you’re not being shown the best of what Christmas music has to offer, doesn’t mean it’s not out there”

Another personal go-to at this stage is Teya and Salena’s ‘Ho Ho Ho’. This track argues the case that Santa’s wife is the unsung hero of the festive season, responsible for all of Father Christmas’s admin, housework and being an all-round diva. There’s something strangely empowering about this track; even the bell instrumentals on the verses make you want to strut around like you yourself are the Ms Gertrude Claus.

Once I’ve had enough of the poptivism, there’s still a plethora of more mellow festive songs that await me. Sam Smith’s take on ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas’ is nothing short of angelic; the acapella opening is a divine showcase of the rich timbre in their lower range, whilst the higher riffs are crafted with masterful delicacy and intent. Even when Christmas provides its challenges, there’s an ethereal comfort in such a soft, piano-driven acoustic, something which some of us perhaps only afford ourselves during the festive season.

I’ve barely scratched the surface when it comes to the variety that Christmas music has to offer. The festive spirit can be found in whatever genre you like, from rap and R&B to rock and metal (for more of that, check out some of mine and Seun Ige’s alternative Christmas recommendations). Nonetheless, I think it’s important to consider whether Christmas music is bad or whether there’s some other factor at play before you write off the Christmas spirit entirely!

Millie Wooler

Scrooge. Grinch. Chompus. Any name you can think of for that miserable old grump in the corner at Christmas, I have been called it. It’s not that I hate Christmas in its very essence, it’s just that I sincerely resent having it crammed down my throat from what seems to be an ever-earlier date each year. And the music is one of the main offenders.

I get it. You are all very excited for the fact that it is nearly “that time of year” when families pretend to like one another and, for one night, house-breaking becomes socially acceptable. But that doesn’t mean that I suddenly want to hear (incessantly) what Mariah Carey wants this Christmas, or what Wham! were up to last year while I’m trying to find the ingredients for my beans on toast.

I wouldn’t mind so much if it were carols. My love of folk music overwhelms my contempt for Yuletide anthems. But then, carols keep in their hearts the “true meaning” of Christmas. They aren’t about copious shopping lists (with the exception of the interminable ‘Five Days of Christmas’) or how one wishes they could extend the tedium to a perpetual existence. Rather, they centre on the simple tale of a child born in a stable who went on to do great things, or they remind us to look to do good in our own communities.

“This year, all I’ll want for Christmas is a rejection of the capitalist pulse you find in Christmas music”

This more tolerable content has been lost to the flashy, gimmicky nature of modern Anglophone Christmas music. A quick glance over some of the most recent Christmas number ones reminds us just how underwhelming the output has been: five years of LadBaby, eight years of largely forgotten tracks and then, in 2009, Rage Against the Machine’s ‘Killing in the Name Of’ (perhaps my favourite track on the list). They’re not exactly memorable.

And, as for those earworms that we hear every year, what do they teach us? That we should be eagerly anticipating what awaits us under the Christmas tree, that it is all about chasing the biggest and best Christmas ever. Christmas was so much more enjoyable when it was about coming together as a community to reflect upon love, peace and faith.

Perhaps this year, all I’ll want for Christmas is a rejection of the capitalist pulse you find in Christmas music, in favour of The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl’s more realistic family squabbling.