We all want to have a village, in the metaphorical sense. Who doesn’t? Who wouldn’t want to have an interlinked community of friends who they can count on? It’s important that we try not to lose sight of what that means. To have good friends, you have to be one. For me, that means actively showing up for them when they need you and sometimes putting your own convenience on the back foot when you know that it’d make them very happy. It’s easy to forget to respond or leave someone on delivered because socialising seems tiresome, so this is more of a reminder to myself than to anyone else.

“I don’t want to justify allowing my friendships to potentially drift because of workload”

I’m aware that I’ve been less active in preserving friendships than I had been once. I know how easy it is to slip into a mindset where catch-up conversations can always wait and getting ready for an evening with friends can feel as heavy as writing an essay. The intensity of Cambridge terms may be overwhelming, but I don’t want to justify allowing my friendships to potentially drift because of workload.

For me, a friendship should be a collage of shared highs and lows. Being a friend is letting someone know that you have chosen to be in this moment with them; and that you are ready to share in all of their emotions, stories and vulnerabilities. We should not underestimate the power of our presence and the effects of its absence, either.

“I think that there is a magic to our interdependence so we should not let that fade away”

We’re seeing the rise of a culture where self-care is prioritised, which is in many ways a healthy shift. We’re becoming more aware of burnout, of our limits, and of the importance of being kind to ourselves. It has helped many people advocate for their wellbeing in a world that often overlooks it, which is indisputably a good thing.

I do, however, wonder whether this shift has started to cause us to forsake altruism and community. Some self-help content and videos that circulate on TikTok somewhat encourage us to withdraw from friends; ignoring a friend in need of a shoulder to cry on is justified because their problems interfere with personal growth. What may start as taking a needed self-care break could morph into isolation and friendships beginning to feel a little lopsided. I think that there is a magic to our interdependence so we should not let that fade away. We have the power to make our friends feel truly chosen, and they will show up for us when we need them.

“The stresses of a term here are often too overwhelming for the strength of one person”

There are countless ways we can be a villager, and most can easily be slipped into everyday life: organising coffee dates or wine nights, inviting someone over for a debrief yap after an awful supo, or even a simple act such as writing a thoughtful card. Choosing to show up for one another, even when it costs a little energy, might be one of the most meaningful acts of care we have.

Life at this university is fast-paced and unforgiving. The stresses of a term here are often too overwhelming for the strength of one person; and there will be times where our friends need us more than we need them. It’s comforting to believe that support will be there when we need it, and so the village we hope to lean on is one we should try to consistently show up for.