Whew… Hot, still a bit sweaty, and — God, morning breath — in this article, we’re discussing all the questions that arise the morning (and day, maybe week…) after a one-night stand. Because let’s face it — if the sex was good, the chat was there, and you still find them attractive the next day — maybe it doesn’t have to be just a one-time thing.

 

All of these questions stemmed from last article’s conversation about one-night stands, but more directly relate to how difficult it can be in these situations to draw the line between love and lust. We’re dealing with all the questions that run through your mind during the rainy 7am walk-of-shame back to college the morning after. Questions like: how do you know if they’re looking for more than just sex? How romantic should one-night stands be? Holy shit, is that person already out for a run at this ungodly hour? And I’m only just ending my night?! What am I doing with my life? (Disclaimer: the last three questions will not be answered, I’m not equipped for that; sorry, mate.) Moving on swiftly, let’s get into it.

 

Do you feel any loyalty/connection at all to someone you’ve had a one-night stand with?

 

A pretty strong consensus emerged on this question that there would always be some kind of connection, but not loyalty. As several people noted, you’re doing a personal thing together, and at the end of the day, ‘there was probably a connection there in the first place otherwise I wouldn’t have had sex with them.’ C’est vrai. A few people also added that it depends how the night went; if you had some deep conversations and got on well, you might feel a stronger connection. It seems the right balance is somewhere in between full-on ignoring the person next time you see them at Mainsbury’s and planning your future wedding to them in the college chapel and gardens. I’m sure there’s a middle ground.

 

Do you do cutesy stuff like nose kissing and back rubbing the morning after if it was just a one-time thing?

 

There was a fairly strong split in these answers between people who admit that they sometimes did do this kind of stuff and those who denied, denied, denied it. Hmm. It’s hard to see ourselves accurately, isn’t it? (Bit unfair of me really, I’m sure there are people out there who are good at just hitting and quitting.) Those who fessed up said that even in the absence of lasting romance, I’m only human, and affection is nice in the moment. One person suggested that a one-night stand with a bit of nose kissing and back rubbing was ‘a best of both worlds situation:' ‘a sense of faux relationship but without the commitment, like “I can do what feels like a relationship but ultimately still be single”.’ It’s easy to judge, but wouldn’t we all like to have our cake and eat it too?

 

Do you want it to be romantic even if it’s just one night, or more just like a direct, one-and-done type of thing?

 

Now moving on to the flip side. Everyone seemed to have something to say about this one. Some were straight up: ‘I don’t want it to be romantic because I’ll end up catching feelings. The less we talk, the better, or else I’ll have married you in my head’ (may I suggest the college chapel and gardens? Very beautiful. See above. Not that I’ve thought about it). Another source made a more practical appeal: ‘one and done is good for me, no romance please... the only reason I’d want a cuddle after is so that we can both be comfortable in my single bed at uni.’ Another practical solution to this age-old issue? An airbed. A bit less intimate but definitely more comfortable.

 

At the same time, several people noted that they want to feel that they’re more than just a minor upgrade from having a Dominoes and watching The Room for the seventh time (sounds like an ideal evening to me though). You don’t need to lay out the rose petals, ‘but I’d want to feel special and cared for.’ As another source said, ‘I want to feel like they’re actually attracted to me and not just doing it because they’re horny and would with anyone. If it’s sex I want to feel special and sexy, even if it’s just purely a physical thing’. A theme seems to be emerging this week: find some middle ground.

 

When/how do you know that they’re looking for more than just sex?

 

The responses to this had me creasing. If you’ve ever felt clueless to the answer to this question: don’t worry, everyone else is too! My sources literally came back with, ‘I have no idea,’ ‘don’t really know about that one,’ and ‘you can’t really tell.’ Alas, like in any rigorously-conducted experiment, any limits to the findings must be acknowledged. Some people suggested that if someone’s looking for more than just sex, they’ll probably text you, either straight away or a couple of days later. However, in the sage words of one respondent: ‘everyone is just making it up as they go along.’ Sounds about right.

 

Would you ever have a one-night stand with someone you are interested in dating?

 

The implied addendum to the above question. Many people did say ‘yes,' but most responses had asterisks. One source said that they might, but they wouldn’t really view it as a one-night stand as they’d ‘be investing and expecting more from that sexual interaction,' but they added that they would be honest with the person from the get-go about wanting more than just sex. Others were more blunt, saying that if they like the person and feel like having sex, ‘why not?’

 

Some of my sources were a bit more reserved, but often even these responses were just another variation on, yes, basically, I would. One person said yeah, I’d obviously want to sleep with you, but ‘if I was interested in dating you, I wouldn’t want it to be a one-night thing, I’d want to shag you full time!’ Another person actually replied, ‘probably not because I’d get emotionally attached and a one-night stand should be no feelings, I think.’ How mature and restrained! Then I read on: ‘saying that, I reckon if my dream boy was only interested in a one-night stand I’d probably do it and just try and turn the feelings off.’ Turning feelings off…sounds elusive and quite appealing. Unfortunately for me, not a strength for Pisces.

 

That’s it for this week! Based on the bar graph I’ve mentally constructed mapping out my friends’ and my conversations, figuring out if someone’s looking for just sex or something more seems to be a real blind spot. Hopefully this will have helped to shed some light. But if in doubt, next time, maybe…ask the person?

 

I know, I know, such a silly goose. You’d never do that! I’m kind of glad about that though. If too many people got too open, there’d be no reason for this column. Teehee. Next time, we’ll be tackling all questions relating to social media (xoxo, gossip girl).