So we’ve (somehow) stumbled our way through Week 5, effectively tripping over its finishing line while begging our Supervisors for mercy on that essay which may or may not have been due three days ago, but is still yet to be attempted.

After the some-what meagre, initial success of our first edition of ‘Quintessential Questions’ where we, at Violet, addressed many important universal wonderings, such as: “Which Katy Perry lyric best describes us?”, and “What would our respective weapons of choice be, in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse?”, we have decided to turn our virile minds to even more pressing questions.

And so, the Violet Team return in all our caffeinated, sleep-deprived and slightly delirious glory to bring you yet more nonsensical content and provide you with the answers to the questions you never thought to ask. Except this time, it’s spiced with a flavour of ‘innovation’...

Q: If you were Toope for the day, what wacky addition would you introduce to Cambridge life?

Alex: Formal attire must be worn to all Zoom lectures. I spent £50 on a gown just to have it sit in my wardrobe. Where is the justice?! 

Nadya: ‘Take your Pets to Supervisions Day’. To liven the atmosphere. 

Lotte: Students and staff would only be permitted on site on a ‘the-floor-is-lava’ basis. Any member of the University who wished to enter a faculty building would have to do so by using a method of transport other than their feet. Think of all the bikes you’d see in the library: complete and utter chaos. 

Q: Name three of the most bizarre book ideas you’ve ever had.

Alex: 1. “Climb every mountain”: the stories of a mountain goat with a crippling fear of heights, 2. “How to spend more time searching for Netflix films than watching Netflix films”: an autobiography, 3. “50 shades of hay”: Catherine the Great erotica fan fiction

Nadya: 1. “One Hundred Years of Solitude”: a nation in lockdown, 2. “The Call of the Wild”- why my cat demands food at 3am, 3. “How to replace work with tea”: the complete and unabridged procrastination guide.

Lotte: 1. “Everything Wrong With My Family: A Detailed Analysis”, 2. “Everything Wrong With My Boyfriend(s) - Past and Present : A Detailed Analysis”, 3. “How to Alienate Yourself From Your Loved Ones: A Two-Step Guide.”

Q: What’s a party trick you’d like to master some day?

Alex: Talking to people. 

Nadya: Juggling my commitments.

Lotte: The ability to become intoxicated beyond reason, on demand: an instantaneous Ctrl-Alt-Delete for any undesirable memories of embarrassing social blunders. 

Q:If you could have one invention to help you in daily life, what would it be called and what would be its function?

Alex: A clone that would write my thesis for me. It’s called “Alex 2.0: 2 fast 2 furious”.

Nadya: A time-turner. Essay extension? Never heard of it.

Lotte:  ‘Robo-swat’- the ultimate revision companion. A multipurpose robot complete with cafetiere, an alarm clock, a ‘dictate to type’ essay writing function and the ability to automatically email your college tutor a timely ‘SOS’.

Q: If you were stuck on a desert island, what would you use to escape

Alex: I would call Richard Branson. He probably owns it. 

Nadya: A desert island? You mean a holiday abroad?? Pal, I’ll grab my sunglasses and swimming costume- I’m going nowhere.

Lotte: I’d likely employ the ‘Jack Sparrow Escape Technique’- a raft made out of sea turtles and roped together by my own back hair. 

"Favourite invention from a movie? Time-travelling car from Back to the Future. Alex 2.0 can re-write all of my previous essays."

Q: Favourite invention from a movie?

Alex: Time-travelling car from Back to the Future. Alex 2.0 can re-write all of my previous essays. 

Nadya: Mary Poppins’ carpet bag- neat and convenient, but make it stylish.

Lotte: The ‘Spray on Shoes’ from Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.

Q: 10 years from now, what future tech do you think will have been created?

Alex: Sentient cutlery that tells you to stop eating so much sugar. 

Nadya: Invisibility cloak: the ultimate way to hide from your responsibilities. 

Lotte: A 'Grow-your-own-boyfriend’- finally, a time-saving solution to the tedium of dating.