Week one of term has rolled around and we’re already behind on our uni work. We’ve had more supervision essays than the government has had U-turns, and the week five blues are steadily turning into the five month blues.

So, what better thing to do than exercise our finest procrastination tactic – AKA writing an article for Varsity Violet?

That’s right – at Violet, we want our readers to get to know the team behind this term’s Lent edition, so we’ve compiled our answers to the most ridiculous interview questions we could think up ...

Which Cambridge street most accurately represents your soul?

Alex: Fen Causeway cycle lane – sandwiched between the quiet elegance of the Botanical Gardens on one side and the diesel fumes of whizzing traffic on the other, the cycle lane merges into the pavement and just disappears. Why? Some questions have no answer.

Lotte: For me, it’s got to be Mill Road: cool, casual and understated. The vibes are immaculate and it’s right next to Hughes Hall College for over 21s, or as I like to call it, the ‘Bad Grandad’ of Cambridge. In other words, it is the place to be.

Nadya: The walking path in Midsummer Common – kinda peaceful, surrounded by nature, and a bit irrelevant. A lovely place to saunter to clear your mind, and most importantly, there is a 10/10 chance of spotting some inquisitive cows.

Describe yourself with the best fitting Katy Perry quote you can?

Alex: “Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed, so you could open one that leads to the perfect road (or Fen Causeway).” – Firework

Lotte: “You’re about as cute as an old coupon expired.” – Swish Swish

Nadya: “You think I’m funny when I tell the punch line incorrectly.” – Teenage Dream

What children’s online game are you?

Alex: Flappy Bird.

Lotte: Club Penguin.

Nadya: Angry Birds (the music is unparalleled).

Current Spotify listen of choice?

Alex: Sit Next To Me - Foster The People (but don’t because of social distancing)

Lotte: Either Babooshka by Kate Bush or WAP – on repeat, until I die.

Nadya: Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto in D, played by Hilary Hahn. *Chef’s kiss*

RIP Cindies (and now Fez!)- what would you trade for one last iconic night at the best night clubs in town?

Alex: Three goats and my firstborn child.

Lotte: The drawer of souvenirs I’ve kept from my ex-boyfriends, my Lenovo laptop from 2012, and my eternal soul.

Nadya: My French Grammar in Context textbook, a pack of Polos, and my dignity.

What was your yearbook quote?

Alex: “Why run when you can walk? Why walk when you can sit? Why sit when you can lie down? Why lie down when you can watch Netflix?”

Lotte: “I may seem cynical and sarcastic, but I’m a Brundle of fun.” A pun that’s aged about as well as socks with crocs.

Nadya: “I flow, you know, break conventions. I mean, last night I had an after eight at quarter past seven.” (Thanks, Miranda!)

What’s your Cambridge-branded stash of choice?

Alex: The college scarf. The intense itchiness of those superior synthetic fibres reminds me of what it’s like to truly be alive.

Lotte: College jumper. It was the only thing I could afford, apart from the Hughes Hall-branded golf ball. I just wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere.

Nadya: Always the college mug. Cute, convenient, and very useful – I drink five lots of tea in it daily to recreate college life at home. Good times.

Which study snack are you?

Alex: Hummus … just hummus

Lotte: Ready salted crisps – a smorgasbord of flavours.

Nadya: Cheestrings. Yup, I still buy them.

What’s your favourite object that is the colour “Violet”?

Lotte: The aubergine emoji.

Alex: UV light … because it kills Covid (according to Trump).

Nadya: Ribena. I miss that stuff.

Most likely to?

Alex: Stress so much about lectures that he forgets he actually has one and misses it.

Lotte: Overshare about her personal life in a supervision. Wait – you didn’t want to hear about how I’ve switched from soy to oat milk this week? My mistake.

Nadya: Spend ages contemplating the question and then not answer it properly.

Zombie apocalypse weapon of choice?

Lotte: The Unedited Oxford English Dictionary. One swift blow from that will knock the zombies out for the count. Or alternatively, read it to them (death by boredom).

Alex: Rollerblades. I’m not fighting. I’m rolling away to the disco.

Nadya: The Lynx Africa deodorant. Its strength will chase them away in no time.

After those obscure and entirely irrelevant answers, we hope you feel you know us much better. Just be sure not to share our deepest, darkest secrets with anyone else ... outside of the internet, of course.