Today I decided – reasonably impulsively–- to interview the Pembroke Players. I met them by the watering-trough that runs down Trumpington Street. The sky was grey, and the water damp. They led me across the quaint gardens of Pembroke College (in Cambridge–- near Ely), and then turned sharply left, into the entrance of a gently bemossed cavern.

“This,” they explained, “is not New Cellars.”

I knew this, having attended many an excellent show in said theatrical venue.

“This,” they continued to explain, “is our Cave of Innovation.”

“It is here,” quoth I, “that I imagine you come to innovate.”

“Exactly!” One of the Pembroke Players, at this juncture, offered me a doughnut. I declined, having recently feasted at Pret-a-Subway (my name for the bin halfway between these two bastions of Market Square). Instead, he handed me an explanation of the Pembroke Players’ new Membership Scheme, which I graciously accepted. This Membership is, I believe, significantly less fattening than a doughnut, while both as Krispy and as Kremey.

“Our new membership scheme,” ran the exposition, “is founded on two beliefs about Cambridge student theatre: first, it is the best in the country.”

This I protested. It is, I would opine, the only student ‘theatre’ in the country which can be called such without the use of inverted commas.

“Secondly, there are lots and lots of people who want to see, support and enjoy lots and lots of it.”

This I could not protest.

“This should result in an easy equation, but one factor elegantly turns theatrical arithmetic into Part III Maths: money. The finest factor of all. Every show in Cambridge costs £6 or more, making a regular theatre habit hard to sustain.”
The empty wallet crushed between my trouser and my stool gave credence to her theory. If only, I thought, there were a society with a unique position in the world of Cantab Theatre, willing to change all this.

“Fortunately,” they continued, “We have a unique position in the world of Cantab Theatre, and are willing to change all this.”

Hurrah!

“We are a smaller (but hugely popular) production company and funding body, outside of the ADC. We have the opportunity to try to pull off something huge, solve the problem, and get people seeing more theatre more regularly.”

I began to wish I had accepted the doughnut.

“We’ve come up with a Membership Scheme that rewards our most loyal theatregoers. A Membership Card (printed on no less than 650gsm card, incidentally) costs just £5 for the year. With this card, the first show you see is £5 instead of £6. And it only continues to become more generous; the next show is £4, then £3, until eventually you are seeing shows for free for the rest of the year.”

I, in case it hadn’t become clear by now, have studied Part III Mathematics. And I suddenly realised that – golly! This is a very, very good deal! It pays for itself within a few shows. Is it not too generous? I must ask them.

“Is it not too generous?” I asked them.

“Ask again when we do our accounts at the end of the year.” Fair enough. I will.

“We’re not doing this because we want to make money. In fact, we’re expecting to make a bit of a loss on this one. It’s entirely about making it easier for passionate theatregoers to get seats at shows – and shows are what we’ve got!”

‘Tis true – the Pembroke Players offer a huge variety of performances, including sketch comedy, smokers, new student writing and fresh productions of well-known, well-loved plays.

I reminded them of this. It turns out they didn’t need reminding and, to emphasise the point, they told it to me again.

“Pembroke Players offer a huge variety of performances, including sketch comedy, famous smokers, new student writing and fresh productions of well-known, well-loved plays.”

Members, it turns out, will also benefit from regular bulletins to keep them up to date with all this, as well as priority booking.

“This is possible due to our our brand spanking new ticketing website,” they elucidated.

“It’s brand new, and it spanks heartily.”

“Only if spanking is required?”

“Only if spanking is required.”

“The Membership Scheme boils down to making sure that the many, many people who wish to see lots and lots of theatre are able to do so – money is no longer an obstacle.”

“And, speaking of boiling,” I cunningly segued, “I would like a cup of tea.”

“Unfortunately the Cave of Innovation does not serve hot beverages. I would suggest visiting the Copper Kettle, on King’s Parade.”

Which is exactly what I did. After purchasing Pembroke Players Membership at www.pembrokeplayers.co.uk/membership. It’s a wonderful deal. And the staff at the Copper Kettle sure know how to brew.