Homerton
These boots were made for weeing

A brunette singleton, dressed to kill outside Cindies this week in brand new ankle boots, was thrilled to notice the Casanova she had drooled over in lectures approaching with a suggestive smile. As they chatted, however, the minx realised that her bladder capacity had peaked and she was in serious need of release. The queue stretching mercilessly ahead, our heroine, refusing to abandon sexual prospects for any mere bodily fluid, took the painful but necessary step of trickling her urine into her new £80 Office boots. Her decision paid off, and the two enjoyed mutual pleasure in Senate House Passage. And the boots? They have since been deposited at a local leather specialist for a clean. Spies hopes that the good people at Timpson’s wear gloves to work...

London
Taxi catastrophe

A group of female students ventured out of Cambridge this week for a girly night out in London. After passing an enjoyable soiree, one of the brighter (if drunker) sparks informed her less streetwise companions that she would order a taxi to convey them home.
As she bid them to file inside, her country companions wondered dimly at the lushness of the car’s leather upholstery and its glistening paintwork. All became clear, however, when they loudly instructed the “taxi driver” to take them to her home quick smart. He politely explained that this was just his car, and would the scholars please vacate it, lest he be compelled to telephone the police.

St John's
Noxious Nosegay

A group of habitually modest and sober gentleman hosted a swap in a curry venue of outstanding repute at which they were led calamitously astray by their female counterparts. The young ladies behaved in such a debaucherous way that their male friends quite simply could not keep up. When one overly saturated filly disengorged the contents of her stomach onto her neighbour’s curry, the boys could only pee out of a window in response.
The filly in question was too drunk to return home without some chivalric aid, which was offered by one young man in the hope of some subsequent spooning action. Upon returning to her boudoir, our eager young hero realised that his damsel was in serious distress and obviously needed some water. He boldly flung some flowers out of their vase and rushed to her aid. She gulped down a toxic mix of plant food and stale water before violently retching for the rest of the night. As he nobly held her puking head, he secretly bemoaned his heroic haste in going through with what had seemed like a good idea at the time.

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