Congratulations are in order! My boyfriend and I have been dating for over six – yes, that’s more months than fingers on one hand – beautiful months now. When one cultivates such a long-lasting relationship, the next step is to meet and impress the other’s family. I am half-Japanese while my boyfriend is Czech and we both have various aunts and grandparents living in some corner of our respective countries who speak very little English. So as we embarked on this new milestone, the aforementioned boyfriend began a beginner’s Japanese course through the university. Not to be outdone but lacking the time* ( *laziness) to attend formal lessons, three months ago I turned to Duolingo to learn some Czech.

The concept was simple – log on for ten minutes a day and within a few months I would be chatting to my boyfriend’s family like a native speaker, while my boyfriend looked on, green with envy as he struggled to compete with my superior linguistic abilities. Or so Duolingo promised.

For readers unaware, Duolingo is a free language-learning app with over 300 million users globally. One chooses from over 35 different languages, ranging from the helpful (German), to the niche (High Valerian), to the made-up (French). A green owl named “Duo” then takes you through your chosen language in daily bite-size lessons, progressing from “hello” to something probably a bit more complicated (I don’t know what that might be because I’ve never gotten there).

“The problem with Duolingo is that I just end up wanting the little green owl [...] to bugger off”

The app is “designed by language experts” and has a “science-based teaching methodology proven to foster long-term memory retention.” What this actually translates to for the user is the gamification of language learning. There are daily streaks to maintain, where every day you complete a lesson, you add a day to your streak and if you don’t use the app for a day, you lose the streak entirely. Duo sends aggressive emails and push notifications to remind you to complete a lesson each day. There are leagues to compete in and monthly challenges. Everything is bright and colourful, with constant auditory and visual feedback as you play. Sorry – learn.

I will note here that I am a holder of a 679-day streak on Duolingo. Before turning to Czech, I had been learning Spanish after becoming bored during lockdown. By now, this should mean that I am able to hold a conversation on whether a Spanish omelette should contain onions (I am assured this is a hotly debated, intelligent argument in Spain), or even just be able to ask where the toilet is. I hate to disappoint but I can’t.

The problem with Duolingo is that I just end up wanting the little green owl, with its annoying push-messages and silly words, to bugger off. No, I don’t want to actually learn anything today, thank you. But I’m sucked in by the gamified format, hence my long streak. What has ended up happening is that I just do the same refresher lesson on the first lessons – anything to keep up my streak without actually having to put effort in. This habit has, surprisingly, also translated itself into my attempts at learning Czech.

I admit though, it is mostly my fault. It is not Duolingo’s fault that I am lazy and want to magically learn a language without any effort. I am sure that if you really want to learn a language, the app, with all its free resources, would be an excellent place to start. My problem with Duolingo is that it promises great rewards for little effort, which just isn’t true. No matter how much they gamify language learning, in the end it still boils down to how much effort you want to put in. In traditional learning styles, like my boyfriend with his weekly teacher-led lessons, there are tests to revise for, homework, and follow-up emails if the homework is missed. In short, he is held externally accountable for his learning which motivates him to learn.

Duolingo, it’s fair to say, has not worked for me. I can say very little compared to my boyfriend’s Japanese. He can ask me how I am, or “Where is the bus stop please?” Actually useful stuff. Instead, I have now switched to “a word a day” where I teach my boyfriend a Japanese word and he teaches me a similar sounding Czech word, for example kata (Japanese for shoulder) and kat (Czech for executioner). I hope that this more natural way of learning means I will pick up the language without consciously trying to. I admit, though, Duolingo has not been totally useless – combine my two techniques and I can now say “Good evening executioner.” And I have been able to impress my boyfriend’s mum by making her laugh with that – so perhaps Duolingo has not been so useless after all.