You’re getting into the murky depths of the Cambridge exam term, and morale is running perilously low. In a bid to escape the doom and gloom you decide to use your dwindling student loan to fly to Dublin for the weekend.  An excellent decision. First things first, for an authentic Irish experience from start to finish, it’s Aer Lingus or nothing. Eat your heart out, Ryanair.

Next up, you need to find a place to stay. How rich are you? If you’re “old moneyed” in the Gatsby sense, as in a few gingers and a royal baby short of being next in line for the throne, then by all means stay in the Sheraton Hotel. Located in the heart of the city, it boasts a spa and a pool, and is just generally pretty cushy. If you’re looking for somewhere a little more affordable, I recommend the Temple Bar Hotel. It’s cheap, and the Temple Bar area is the best, with a great art-house cinema courtesy of the Irish film institute, music and arts centres, and some good vintage shopping. 

True to form, Dublin has a lot of establishments selling alcohol. Porter House, The Royal Oak and the Ely wine bar are all good places to start. Alternatively, head to the Guinness storehouse, where you can learn about history of the black stuff, and visit the rooftop Gravity Bar, which has a 360-degree view of the city worth the entrance fee in itself. 

If tourist things are what you want to do, Dublin Castle should be your first port of call. Visit the Pale ditch, which, in a typical show of politeness and cultural sensitivity, the English constructed specifically to keep the Irish out of their own city. An entrepreneurial move that is simultaneously genius and deeply questionable, the premise of  the "Viking Splash" tour involves driving an amphibious vehicle around Dublin, wearing a pointy hat, and screaming at pedestrians. The whole thing culminates with the bus driving into the river. It's incredibly exciting: last year one of them actually sank. 

The best ways to get around the city quickly is by bike. You can rent them on a self service scheme in the heart of the city. Go for a spin through the Botanics or the relax amongst herds of deer and wild meadows in the famous Phoenix Park. You might even forget about the fact that you have terrifyingly important exams waiting for you back home and you’ve chosen to spend the weekend getting plastered in Ireland. Bliss.

All that cycling is bound to make you hungry. If you’re a vegetarian, Cornucopia on Wicklow Street should be first on your list. If you have a slightly more carnivorous bent, you can learn what sorts of tasty animals coddle, colcannon, and boxty are actually made from at Gallagher’s Boxty House. Also highly worth a visit is the Winding Stair restaurant, a converted second-hand bookshop overlooking the Liffey. Café-wise, no visit to Dublin is complete without a visit to Bewley’s café on Grafton Street. It’s been an institution since 1927, and boasts the best coffee and hangover-curing breakfasts around.

Harbouring vague feelings of guilt about not taking in any culture? Please your inner ASNC by viewing the Book of Kells in Trinity College’s Old Library. Investigate the writer's museum. Pop into Francis Bacon’s reconstructed studio at the Hugh Lane Gallery, or see what’s on at the National Gallery of Photography. If it’s all a bit poncy for your taste and you’re the type that just wants to buy stuff, O'Connell and Grafton Street boast all the big high street names. Alternatively you can browse the Cow’s Lane Market, or visit Avoca on Suffolk Street, which contains a bewildering array of food, drink and pretty things to purchase.

If it's still not enough and you want to flush all the culture out of your system entirely, Shelbourne Park greyhound racing is the place to go. Think grimy Ascot minus the horses. Get really drunk and blow all your money on a three legged dog called "Jumping Jack Flash". You can't fail to have a good time.

After all that excitement you’re probably feeling pretty tuckered out. Before you head home, you can either squeeze in another Guinness or do the sensible thing and take the Dart bus out to the coast to wind down and relax. In Sandycove you can go for a dip in the famous Forty Foot swimming spot. At Dún Laoghaire you can enjoy an nice ice cream from Teddy's and chat to the dolphins.

When all’s said and done, a to-do guide to Dublin is a little unnecessary. It’s the type of place where you can’t fail to find something interesting going on. Granted, you might need to check into the Priory on your return, but it’s a small price to pay for the good craic you'll have. Happy travelling, and may God be with you.