Anxious, insecure, defeatist? You can't have it as bad as Antony.

In Antony and Cleopatra, Shakespeare focuses on the adventures of the two lovers as they wage war against Octavius. While the two lovers are losing a major battle, Cleopatra abandons Antony on the battlefield. Feeling betrayed by Cleopatra and ashamed of his own inability to win this battle, Antony experiences a serious breakdown, revealing his emotional vulnerability.

This passage is quite interesting insofar as it reveals the moment of a trained Roman warrior throwing in the towel. He accepts defeat before the battle ends and looks up to the sky saying:

 

Sometimes we see a cloud that’s dragonish,

A vapour sometime like a bear or lion,

A towered citadel, a pendent rock,

A forked mountain, or blue promontory

With trees upon’t that nod unto the world

And mock our eyes with air. Thou hast seen these signs;

They are black vesper’s pageants.

[...]

That which is now a horse even with a thought

The rack disdains, and makes it indistinct

As water is in water.

[...]

Here I am Antony,

Yet cannot hold this visible shape, my knave.

I made these wars for Egypt, and the Queen—

Whose heart I thought I had, for she had mine,

Which whilst it was mine had annexed unto’t

A million more, now lost—she, Eros, has

Packed cards with Caesar, and false-played my glory

Unto an enemy’s triumph.

Nay, weep not, gentle Eros. There is left us

Ourselves to end ourselves. (4.15)

 

In this famous passage about self-esteem, Antony uses the cloud imagery to point out how disappointed he is with himself: he thought he was a successful 'dragonish' warrior but with this defeat, he realises he was wrong. Through this extended metaphor of the clouds, Antony refers to an idealised image of himself. Antony’s depression comes from the discrepancy between this perfect self-image that he had and the person he actually is, and the metaphor of the clouds reflects this. He does not accept his defeat and feels he has lost his identity. Antony wants to die: his only solution to deal with this failure is to find in death what he could not find in life. Precisely, he wants to die with honour rather than live in dishonour.

Obviously, Shakespeare is not here promoting suicide as a solution to disillusionment. That is not the motivational message to be found here. Instead we have a cautionary tale. Through the character of Antony, he shows what happens when someone is blinded by despair and sees death as the only solution to solve their problems. Defeatism assures the tragic ending. Refusing to give up when experiencing a defeat is what makes you a warrior: Living is fighting. 

At the end of the day, you are the only one to decide how your life is going to be. Either you can choose to give up after one unpleasant experience and look at the clouds seeing your own despair, or you can fight back and look at the clouds to see your own hope. This particular psychological phenomenon is called 'Pareidolia': it refers to a kind of subjective illusion you experience when recognising patterns, forms, shapes and familiar objects or faces. So, if you think that you are not good enough or that you do not correspond to an ideal image you have of yourself, don’t give up. Contrary to Antony, get over your fear and go back to fight for what you believe in – you and only you!