Another term, another room of strangers, another game of Never Have I Ever. “Never have I ever... had sex in public”
“Never have I ever...had a threesome”

Once again dread rears its ugly head and my tactics are to hide in the toilets and hope that the game disintegrates before it is my turn. Me? Never have I ever had sex. Although many people may find this bizarre, I am twenty and a virgin. I must admit, I do not think this was a conscious choice. I am not saving myself for marriage, I am not a prude and I am not hideously deformed “downstairs” – it just hasn’t happened yet.

People are always quite surprised when I let slip that I am a virgin, I think due to my age more than anything else. They always expect there to be a reason (Christian, lesbian, a-sexual – I have been asked all of these more than once) and even my own mother asked me last year if there was “any particular reason why I was still a virgin”. Once you hit a certain age, which I am going to put at around eighteen, being a virgin suddenly catapults you into a strange minority. I remember being at school and discussing with friends that I expected to lose my virginity by sixteen, and maybe even before if I was lucky. However, lest we forget that these words were spoken at an all-girls school, there was of course the added factor of actually having to meet boys before they could whisk me off my feet. As this state of affairs (or non-affairs) continued into Sixth Form, I found myself thinking “oh, maybe this year...” Alas, I trooped off to uni as virginal as ever.


There, I became the token virgin. The reaction was somewhat bizarre and I distinctly remember everyone declaring their “number” in Freshers Week. After announcing my own status I was met with “well done!” and some faintly reassuring smiles. People are often just a bit confused and take to mothering the token virgin as though you are a newly hatched chick or a foreign exchange student. Indeed, friends become more protective over your virginity than you do. The number of times I have been reassured by friends that sex “isn’t that big a deal” or been lectured about saving it for “someone who you really like” is up in double figures (with the latest being yesterday) and this is often from people who have had multiple sexual partners, frequently sleep around or are carrying some sort of venereal disease. Perhaps they are nostalgic for their own virginities, and don’t want me to make the same mistakes they did, but it also puts more pressure on us token virgins to lose it to someone “acceptable.” This means that there is always someone being the virgin’s ‘wingman’ - which can be both helpful and terribly frustrating.

Having waited this long, there are times when I have considered one night stands or persuading my friends to have sex with me for a favour. And yes, I am always fascinated by stories of people selling their virginities on auction sites for ridiculous sums (the latest was a Brazilian girl selling her virginity for $780,000 to a Japanese man of “unknown age”). However, I have decided against all these strategic plans because I know that one day it will happen, and hopefully with someone I love (or at least like), and I am okay with that.


I am now in third year, still “hymenally challenged” to quote Shoshanna from Girls – and I don’t really care. When writing this piece I spoke to some other of my friends (also virgins) who were very uncomfortable discussing their virginities – and I think this is where the problem lies. Virginity has become somewhat taboo – it can signal innocence and be somewhat fetishised, or is attached to tragic characters like the 40 Year Old Virgin or crazy cat women. We need to make Virginity normal. People feel ashamed that they haven’t had sex, or that they are waiting, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. Despite the congratulations and reassurances from friends about my virginity being slightly weird, I think the nature of these reactions also signals that people don’t actually care. So, Virgins, just lose it when you are good and ready. As for me I am holding tight, hoping Mr. Right will come along soon. My housemates, meanwhile, wait in anticipation of my “Better late than never” virginity party, scheduled to be hosted the very next day – whenever that will be!