1st Circle: Limbo - We sail through a sea of stragglers and coffee-drinking dawdlers, gaping vacantly at us through the windows of Nero. Books unopened and pens capped, they roam bewildered in locker rooms and college cloisters at the gates of Revision Hell.

2nd Circle: Lust - Those who have newly entered into the abyss are overcome with a wave of procastinatory passion. Deserted book stacks are transformed into hives of activity and corpulent librarians into objects of desire. A late night booty call from a Medusian suitor suddenly develops a new allure.

3rd Circle: Gluttony - As soon as one carnal desire is sated, another swoops in to take its place. Fingers, buttery from multiple breakfasts, thumb unread notes as the UL tearoom orders in emergency supplies to feed its bloated numbers.

4th Circle: Greed - Book hoarders up to their borrowing limit scurry through the library stashing and concealing their haul. They lurk in shadowy corners ready to pounce on the foolish who leave their coveted tomes unguarded.

5th Circle: Anger - Furious cyclists en route to the library curse gaggles of tourists for abusing the one-way system. Once inside, passive aggression reigns. Hell-dwellers compete to heap the highest mound of notes while the sight of a neighbour’s smugly colour-coded flashcards provokes storms of envious hatred.

6th Circle: Heresy - Rebellion rises within the ranks of the sleep-deprived legions plotting examination mutiny. Those cast adrift in the UL’s dusty wings plod through Facebook albums of carefree friends at party universities and dream of defection.

7th Circle: Violence - Wrathful urges finally erupt into murderous rage against defacers of key-texts and innocently buzzing flies. Fists beat out a rhythm of woe on freshly plundered desks. Revenge is plotted.

8th Circle: Fraud - The despairing lay plans for elaborate systems of cheating. Priceless hours are squandered in the concoction of crib-note codes and Wikipedia is newly endowed with oracular wisdom. (There’s a very good page on Dante. Nine circles - Who knew?)

9th Circle: Treachery - Once free from exams, the happy souls returning to the world of the living pause only to laud their liberation in the faces of the still-damned. The thud of notes flung into bins rings in the ears of the incarcerated, who watch in anguish as the treacherous step back into the light.

 

Procrastination Station: Part II