I am an egg-nostic. I am not at all sure whether I believe in God. I do however believe, whole heartedly, in the goodness of eggs. An egg makes me seriously consider the existence of some higher force. I mean, seriously, they are just egg-cellent – please egg-scuse me if I get overly hen-thusiastic, I feel passionately about this.

Enclosed within a perfect geometrical shape and that fun film inbewteen the shell and the white, like a present from a really worthwhile god parent, wrapped not only in beautiful thick wrapping paper but also protectively embraced by a layer of tissue paper, eggs offer so much, including, of course, the possibility to crack some seriously good yokes, even when you’re not the best comedi-hen (I’m far far too well behaved to make foul jokes about getting laid, so don’t get your hopes up).

‘An egg is always an adventure; the next one may be different’; so said Oscar Wilde. Wilde’s legacy is continued and, I’d say, outdone, by another far from medi-yolk-a figure AKA Remy of ‘Remy Eats Balut’ YouTube video fame. Remy, a blonde cherub who looks about three, introduces us to ‘the most adventurous food [he’s] ever eaten’, which is, you’ve guessed it, an egg, but one with, um, a partially developed embryo inside. The camera zooms in on Remy’s slowly tearing blue eyes, his pouting mouth trembling with fear, and then pans down to his grastronomic treat: complete with membranes, veins, bones, eyes and, as Remy gleefully exclaims, while I wretch quietly to myself and look up the RSPCC’s number, ‘blood EVERYWHERE’.  Remy apparently adores the balut, although he finds it hard to express what makes it QUITE so delicious and resorts instead to P-Diddy style hand gestures.

Someone can feed my balut ovum-y dead body. Give me instead the humble but lovely boiled egg, surely hard to beat (literally as well as metaphorically, wink, wink), providing a soothing start to the day, a firm friend, a proverbial good egg, with a sure-fire heart of gold. I do, however, frequently embrace adventure when it comes to soldiers. Exchange toast for asparagus and you have yourself a really egg-citing combination, appropriate for any time of the day, and one that should hen-ceforth become a staple dish.

1.       Cut the ends of 6 stalks of asparagus

2.       Boil asparagus for 5 minutes

3.       Pour a kettle of boiled water into a sauce pan then lower one egg (why one? because well un oeuf is enough) into it

4.       Boil for 4.5 minutes (true and tested)

5.       Take off the egg’s top and dip each spear in.