I remember my first breakup (see: I fancied him immediately, he was cool and wasn’t interested in me). And it hurt. It hurt a lot. 

The realisation dawned on me that I would be forever alone on the train to London (back in the good old days when trains were still "allowed"). I had braces, medically diagnosed acne, not a lot of charisma, and a tendency to blurt out something sublimely inappropriate whenever I was confronted with the cute barista that I fancied in my local Pret.

"It was none other than the sweet 80s New Wave/Post Punk/Pop beats of ABC’s Poison Arrow that flooded my eardrums, soothing my teenage angst."

As I wallowed in my unattractiveness, what would later become my go-to "breakup song" came up on shuffle on my Apple Music. It was not a heartfelt ballad, like Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On. It was not the 1990 smash hit by Sinead O’ Connor that, bafflingly, is written partly in txt speak: Nothing Compares 2 U. It was not the warbling heartbroken lyrics to Adele’s Someone Like You, Make You Feel My Love, Set Fire to the Rain or, indeed, any Adele song.

No, as I sat heartbroken, looking out of the train window, it was none other than the sweet 80s New Wave/Post Punk/Pop beats of ABC’s Poison Arrow that flooded my eardrums, soothing my teenage angst.

I was astonished. It was like the lyrics were speaking directly to me. “Who broke my heart? You did, you did / Bow to the target, blame Cupid, Cupid / You think you’re smart, stupid, stupid.” Drummed into my ears through my half-broken earphones and straight into my heart like an anthem, a declaration, a promise.

"Someone else understands how I’m feeling," I realised, astonished. (17-year-old me hadn’t yet gathered that I was not the only person on the planet to have their poor, delicate teenage heart broken cruelly by someone they’d only met in passing a few years ago at a school disco.)

Catchy 80s music aside (really – who’s not a fan of that song?) I learnt a lesson about love that day, as that dingy South-Eastern train rounded the corner to St Pancras International.

I learnt that it’s not something that’s avoidable. Whatever your age, whatever your gender, that first young love absolutely blindsides you. It’s like being run over by a bus, gunned down by an AK-47 or whacked with the full force of a Nerf Gun bullet right between the eyes. (Which is more painful? You decide.)

“Alas, I die,” you declare dramatically, as it feels like you're being stabbed numerous times, again and again with a plastic prop knife in a Shakespearean tragedy.

Love is so flipping painful.

And that’s probably because scientifically it alters your whole body chemistry…

Three Parts of Falling in Love According to Science (a loosely factual description of your brain’s biochemistry)

_{Based on Helen Fisher’s research at Rutgers University in New Jersey.}

Attraction:

It’s driven by adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin.

Adrenaline – the reason why the moment you see your crush in the University Library your hands get sweaty and you forget to breathe. You’re literally experiencing the brain chemical that keeps animals safe from predators in the wild. Fight, Flight or Freeze? It’s like having two strong coffees, a Red Bull and a Pro Plus (wouldn’t recommend, it’s like seeing through the eye of a needle and a surefire route to cardiac arrest). That’s how strong seeing someone you fancy is. And this also proves that having a crush literally stresses us out! Unbelievable. Oh God and don’t even get me started on pheromones…

Dopamine – present in the brain's "reward" system. Released when we do things that feel "good" (eg being with the ones we love, eating, and having sex.) High levels of dopamine are also released during attraction. That’s why you smile like a giddy school girl when you get a text from that special someone. Dopamine is also highly present during addiction, eg a cocaine "high" produces dopamine in much the same way as attraction does – addicts going through withdrawal symptoms are not too dissimilar from forlorn lovestruck people who cannot obtain the object of their affection.

Serotonin – being attracted to someone actually seems to lead to a decrease in serotonin – the stabilising mood hormone that makes us happy. Serotonin also helps us with sleeping, eating, and digestion. That’s right – having a crush can actually make you tired! Infatuation is a powerful beast.

Lust (ooh la la!):

Hellooo Sexy Town! This cheeky element is governed by both testosterone and oestrogen (the baby-making hormones). While these hormones are sometimes believed to be correspondingly male or female, as it turns out, both hormones are present in both genders. Also, sexual arousal appears to turn off sections in our brain that control critical thinking, self-awareness, and rational behaviour. That's right, as you get turned on, they get turned off (uh oh...). Ever done something stupid when you really wanted someone? This is why.

Long-term attachment:

Governed by oxytocin, known as the cuddle hormone (can I get an “aww!”) and vasopressin which encourages bonding.

Oxytocin – produced by both sexes during an orgasm (good luck getting any oxytocin, ladies!) and promotes bonding between adults who are intimate together.

And these three stages can feel even more powerful for those witnessing love for the first time. See: this is partly why I was so heartily crying my eyes out to Poison Arrow, on my way to London, all those fateful years ago. So yes – a first crush: it’s immobilising; it’s all-consuming; it’s confusing, and I wasn’t being dramatic (Dad) when I said my heart felt like it was breaking because, hormonally, it was kind of a battlefield in my 17-year-old brain. To steal some apt words from The Bard:

“The wounds invisible that Love’s keen arrows make.” Why then, do we choose continually to be struck down by love, lust and all that lies in between?

Perhaps because it is out of our hands.

So, do you stay away, hoping never to be attracted by the pheromones of someone who has the power to break your heart or, do you give in to Cupid and, like ABC melodiously repeats, declare, with caution to the wind, “Shoot that poison arrow!” Because, in my opinion, it’s better to have them all: serotonin, testosterone, oxytocin, dopamine, vasopressin – I’d rather have this madness-inducing, heart-breaking, biochemically dangerous love cocktail and take my chances with heartbreak, than miss out and never get the chance to know love at all …

_{Artwork by Olivia Lisle (@livcollage on Instagram)}