It’s week seven already. How on earth has this happened? I am evidently still struggling to grapple with the concept of time, so there are no changes there at least.

This term has certainly been interesting. It has been as expected, insofar as it has been perfectly chaotic. I’ve spent half my time trying to figure out what Foucault is talking about, and half my time trying to ‘fix’ my unfixable sleeping pattern, and that is about it. I’m unsure I’ll be winning most inspiring student of the year any time soon. But stranger things have happened…

“If I’m completely honest, I struggle with Cambridge quite a bit”

If I’m completely honest, I struggle with Cambridge quite a bit. I feel pressure to constantly work and be productive, and often feel guilty when I don’t. This is an issue because I spend a remarkable amount of time being unproductive. I also love spending time with people, but lockdown doesn’t seem to agree. This Michaelmas has been quite lonely and a little bleak really (sorry to dampen the mood!). I have also struggled to conceptualise this term as ‘real’ in the way last Michaelmas was. Having literally everything online takes its toll on my sanity and motivation levels (which aren’t always tip-top anyway). I get things done (by things, I mostly mean essays), but it all feels quite robotic. Hopefully I’m not the only one in this camp?

My hope is that my final year at uni will be the first year of relative normality: no strikes, no pandemics, no catastrophes (I hope the powers that be take heed of this). Is this too much to ask for? Having spent a lot of this term working from home, I also feel quite detached from Cambridge at the moment. It sort of exists in an abstract sense, but it only really exists on my laptop. On that topic, how has it happened that my whole existence is now inextricably linked with my laptop? It is a very sorry state of affairs indeed. I am very much looking forward to not having to stare at my laptop for hours on end each day. Actually seeing people will be glorious too.

“Just chatting away with people I really like never fails to make me feel better.”

Another curious thing which has happened this Michaelmas is that I have gone from being such an anti-Zoom/Facetime/Facebook caller to a true fanatic in the field. I always look forward to my evening calls with the unlucky victims who have to deal with my incoherent and inarticulate rambling. I have a few regulars (you know who you are, and I appreciate everything you do) and a few one-off guests just to shake things up a little bit. The issue is that I can talk for England until about 3am whereas most people actually go to sleep at a reasonable time, so I am left feeling somewhat hapless beyond the witching hour.

But on the bright side, I have been called chief night owl (thanks Wills), so that is possibly my biggest achievement of the year, let alone this term. Returning to my point (which I have inevitably drifted from), I have actually come to really appreciate and look forward to phone calls. Just chatting away with people I really like never fails to make me feel better about life, the universe and everything.

Things I have learnt this term are that having university online isn’t great. Not seeing people takes its toll. And online supervisions are something which I hope to soon bury in the past. I spend most of the time worrying about my hair or eye bags, and nowhere near enough time worrying about the state of my essay. My phone and laptop also appear to perpetually survive on 1%, so I reach at least one crisis point every supervision. I also am not gifted with excellent wifi, which means that half of the time I don’t really understand what is going on because everyone’s voices are muffled and fuzzy. This means I end up feeling flustered and not very enlightened.

I am conscious my positivity is somewhat lacking in this article. I really feel quite drained of it at the moment. Trying to think about the good things (and there are many) is tiring, especially as I feel a little defeated by the world. I am hoping that come Christmas, my positivity will be back in full motion once more. The jury’s out.