Confused parents, cardboard boxes, stolen bikes and midnight queues at the Van of Life — the freshers are coming, buzzing with excitement, innocence and a voracious appetite for VKs. But first, they must survive Freshers’ Week.

As a mother of three beautiful freshers, I can't wait to embarrass my children by joining them in most activities they will undertake this week, as part of a quest to relive my long-gone youth. After doing basically nothing in my first year of university, I’d feel weird jumping straight into second year without having gone through the proper rituals. Therefore, for me, this will be first year 2.0. And, as a reborn fresher, I plan on checking out the whole range of experiences Freshers’ Week has to offer:

Freshers' Fair
Last year, I inspected every single stall at the fair, from CUDS to CUCA, and ended up with two tote bags, 5 lbs of flyers and about 15 shortlisted societies (and no, CUCA didn’t make it to my final list). All the possibilities, however, overwhelmed me, so I decided to just "see how much time studying takes first" in Michaelmas. And Lent. And Easter. This was a mistake, since having something to do apart from studying apparently keeps you sane when the workload becomes ridiculous.

Keeping past experiences in mind, I know more than one society will catch my eye, so I have some requirements for my final choice: it should involve some of the physical exercises my body sorely misses, be relaxing, have nothing to do with engineering and maybe, just maybe, allow me still to be employable.

Clubbing
Ah, the joys of clubbing in Cambridge: expensive, dubious drinks, cult songs and tipsy people stumbling around, attempting to move somewhat rhythmically. While partying is not usually my thing, I want to give it a shot this Freshers’ Week; one of the many clubs in Cambridge is bound to fit my style, right? Clubbing must be worth it even just for checking out VinylLola – the remake and for letting my true self out while dancing on High School Musical hits. Besides, someone uninterested in alcohol (or sharking) could help JCR folks take care of those who have just left home for the first time and are experiencing the spiritual side of Jägerbombs.

Taster sessions
Meant for freshers to try their hand at sports, improv or gliding, taster sessions will be my friends this year. Even if an activity sounds great on paper, you shouldn’t commit to it before seeing whether the real deal is as good as the theoretical version. Being undecided between a few societies is natural, especially for those who don’t already have a passion — outside studying, of course.

Taster sessions allow students to gauge the general atmosphere and to meet the kind of people that usually partake in that activity. After all, if you're going to spend your so-called free time — AKA time away from your beloved subject — doing something, you probably want to be surrounded by people you like, or can at least tolerate.

Family night out
Since taking part in all these activities might make me feel young again, I decided to become a college parent. Despite being a fresher at heart, I gained some wisdom in my first year here which I can’t wait to pass on to the next generation; their questions fill me with joy, as I’ve always wanted to explain how many binders one should take to uni. And, being my responsible self, I already have a complete, step-by-step plan for the family night. Of course I do.