In my very first column, I asked whether it was more important to be happy than to be clever, especially in the Cambridge environment. A really very tricky thing to do. I touched on how to manage it in that article, and have talked about mental health quite a bit in subsequent articles. I want to talk now about how to deal with feeling a bit miserable – good things that we can do to make ourselves happy if we can.

Just to point out, I’m not trying to say that self-care is the cure-all for any mental health at all. There are some things that need more fixing than a bath or a night off work. There are some things that I have found helpful when I’ve been feeling bleh. Obviously they won’t be universally applicable, but none of them should have an adverse effect from trying them. Just a disclaimer.

Happiness is something that can be very elusive. If it’s not one thing bringing you down, it’s another – if your work is fine, there’s something to be upset about at home, or in your social life, or so on. Cambridge particularly is a difficult place to be happy. At this point in term, I’m probably the most unhappy I’ve been here because work has burned me out. I’m tired. In my subject, history, the prospect of working can hold nearly no motivating factors. You spend a week doing something, you finish, and your reward is another essay or six. Joy.

“Cambridge is a place where your happiness can feel thoroughly dependent on other people”

Furthermore, Cambridge – and maybe just the university stage of life – is a place where your happiness can feel thoroughly dependent on other people. It takes a while to grow a thick-enough skin work-wise that bad essays and critical supervisors don’t make you feel rubbish any more. Especially when, for maybe quite a lot of us, ‘clever’ was what we were at home, feeling un-clever can make you feel very nothing-y.

University is also the first time you’re out there on your own. If you wanted, you could probably stay in your room forever and never make any new pals. In your first terms somewhere like here, given the closeness of many college communities, you can have a lot of new pals who feel very transient.

It can feel a bit like you’re scrabbling for the approval of other people constantly. Part of that is the new people/good first impressions shebang. Part of it is not knowing how to be alone and having to learn. It’s important to take time to make yourself feel good. Whether that’s five minutes, an evening, a whole day, more than that. Here are some (ten, because it’s a nice number) fun things to do with the time you gift yourself:

• Colouring. I love colouring. Find a colouring book or some big prints online. Choose your level of detail – I like stuff with big blocks as I’m not very good at staying in the lines. Put on some telly in the background and colour until you’re bored of it. If you find a good picture, that can take quite a while.
• Take a shower. Most college accommodation doesn’t have baths – I don’t like them anyway – so take a luxurious twenty minute hot/tepid shower. You cannot work in the shower. Shave your legs if you need an extra distraction.
• Paint your nails. This requires concentration and both hands, and you get such a pretty end result. Use quick dry stuff if you’re impatient like I am – Rimmel is the best one.
• Read a book (if you can bear it) that you’ve read a million times before. 0 brain effort, lots of enjoyment.
• Have a cry. Nice, cathartic cry, good to be in touch with your emotions, you don’t have to be a grownup all the time.
• Give yourself a fun reward for doing some work. My go-to is something from Ryder and Amies – too expensive to justify normally, but anything goes in week 5 (or 6/7/8).
• Go on a walk, alone or with friends. Cambridge is a very beautiful place, even if it usually feels full of supervisors and books and stress. Go on a walk and pretend you are a tourist (wear some stash to avoid being really mistaken for one, though).
• Go to sleep.
• Eat something healthy (sorry) and/or do some exercise (double sorry).
• Talk to somebody. Your friends are likely great people, your supervisors are probably more understanding than you realise, your tutor/chaplain/DoS can be absolutely wonderful resources of care. Your parents are a phone call away. Your home pals are, nine out of ten times, there to say, ‘wow, Cambridge is different’. Sometimes the recognition is all you need.

Here endeth the lesson. Thus concludes my column. Hopefully there is something in there/has been something in it that you have found useful or nice or fun to read. Hope you have got the (very broad) message that what you think and feel about being at Cambridge/being a girl/being a person is pretty normal (or shared with at least one other person)