As someone who has eaten a lot of biscuits in her time, I’m no stranger to weighing in on what I believe to be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Biscuits are no joke, and pitting them against each other is no level playing field. Get ready for the cookie contenders, ranked from worst to best biscuit.

15. Garibaldi

It’s depressing that this squished-raisin sadness is even classified as a biscuit. Great if you think fruit is a treat to be enjoyed in biscuit form (you’re terribly mistaken), but rubbish if you actually attach enjoyment to biscuity indulgence. Come on, it sounds like it’s named after your hairless uncle...

14. Shortbread

Perhaps unpopularly placed? Or not – this overwhelmingly buttery, crumbling biscuit is claggy and deserves every bit of its miserable placing. Yuk.

“Biscuits are no joke, and pitting them against each other is no level playing field”

13. Rich tea

No-one really likes these insipid characters. Bland and anaemic, the rich tea falters when dunked, is pallid and frankly pathetic. A poor show from what ultimately should be considered a traditional British accompaniment.

12. Party ring

Okay if you’re at a six-year old’s birthday party ready to catch verrucas at the local pool; not okay if you’re anywhere else. Excessively sweet, suspiciously coloured and one-dimensional in its uninspiring sugariness, the only thing these sickly confections are good for is creating cavities in milk teeth.

11. Jammie Dodger

Again, stick to the kids’ parties. Synonymous with crustless white bread sandwiches, watered down squash and jelly and ice-cream, this should be a long-standing classic, but ultimately disappoints when returned to in later life.

10. Digestive

Uninspiring but acceptable. It’s never the first choice when other more appetising options are on offer, but nonetheless fills a gap. It’s a biscuit to help digestion: it’s stocky, steady and dependable.

9. Ginger snap

A welcome hit of sugar and spice. Always welcomingly crispy, the warmth of ginger is a sure-fire and appealing option, if shadowed by its chocolatey competitors.

8. Milk chocolate digestive

Definitely an improvement on the uninspiring (if failsafe) digestive, yet still lacking a little lustre. The milk chocolate is a slightly overbearing in the balance of sweetness, but nonetheless grips its point midway in the ranks.

7. Nice

It’s pronounced ‘niece’, not ‘nice’, so help me god. Delicate and delicious, the Nice biscuit is an all-round crowd pleaser with its coconut scent and sugared top.

6. Pink wafer

Mmmm. Taste that? It’s called nostalgia. Quaint enough for afternoon tea yet emblematic of all things childishly good, the pink wafer is a quirky addition to the list. Crispy, light and delightfully sweet – whilst remaining in that cautious non-overpowering zone key to biscuit success – the pink wafer is popular with kids and adults alike.

5. Rich tea finger

Yes, the solitary rich tea biscuit is unpopular. The rich tea finger, however, is a different ball game. Thin enough to possess a distinctly satisfying crunch, brittle enough to harbour that pleasingly audible crack and small enough to be just amply moreish, the rich tea finger makes an unexpected appearance in the top five.

4. Custard creams

This British special is an identifying symbol of national tea-time pride. Sweet, inoffensive, yellow goodness: the custard cream ranks so highly simply due to its generic and innate lovability.

3. Hobnob

All variations rank highly and uniformly. Oaty, nobbly, bliss-filled hunks, these soldiers won’t crumble prematurely into your cuppa, nor disappoint with their size. A solid competitor, narrowly shunted into third place.

2. Bourbon

Coming in a close second is the chocolate favourite. Managing to mediate carefully between the slight savouriness of the crumbly biscuit and the intensely chocolatey cream, bourbons are fondly placed high on the ranking board. Whether you split and lick the cream (a la Oreo style), munch the sandwiched treat, or even devour the snack whole, bourbons firmly retain their appeal across the board.

1. Dark chocolate digestive

The mecca of biccies. Perfectly bridging the sweet/savoury divide with its balanced bittersweet rich chocolate layer, which melts oh-so-smoothly into the palate (and tea), the dark chocolate digestive is surely the epitome of refined biscuit taste. Paired exquisitely, the thin dark coating combines joyfully with the crunch of the classic digestive we all know and love. Unbeatable