‘To be or not to be’... Hamlet is pretty much unavoidable and is often regarded as the greatest of Shakespeare’s plays. But if, like me, the plot gets you in a muddle (throwback to my Cambridge interview when I was kindly offered the olive branch of “What do you think of Gertrude – that’s Hamlet’s mother by the way...”) then do not fear, help is at hand.

Summary

The play opens with a ghost sighting and some pretty scared people. Hamlet’s Dad (the King of Denmark) has died and been succeeded by his Uncle Claudius, who has married his mother (doesn’t bear thinking about too much). Hamlet is sad and wants to study in Wittenberg, but is made to stay at home, while Laertes (another guy at court) gets to go off to France. Ophelia is warned by her brother Laertes and Dad (Polonius) that she is too lowly to be loved properly by Hamlet so she should spurn his advances.

The ghost turns out to be Hamlet Senior, who tells Hamlet that Uncle Claudius killed him by pouring poison in his ear. Hamlet understandably is a bit irate and vows revenge. Part of his vengeance plan will include him pretending to be mad, which in itself is a pretty mad plan [insert much depth and psychoanalysis]. Polonius thinks Hamlet’s madness is because of Ophelia playing hard to get. Claudius hires Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Hamlet’s old friends, to be snakes and spy on him. There is then a bit of courtly stress about a foreign invasion from Norway led by Fortinbras. Hamlet tells Polonius he is a fishmonger and subtly insults his age as his form of madness. [Insert to be or not to be speech]. He also tells Ophelia ‘get thee to a nunnery’ and pretends to never have loved her.

Some actors turn up and Hamlet decides to ‘catch the conscience of the King’ by putting on a play of Claudius poisoning Hamlet Senior. Claudius freaks a bit. Hamlet clocks this, and contemplates killing him while he is trying to pray for forgiveness, but doesn’t want to risk sending him to heaven so decides against it. Hamlet then proceeds to give a detailed description to his mother as to how she has defiled her wedding bed by sleeping with Claudius. Charming. Polonius is listening in and Hamlet mistakes him for Claudius and randomly kills him, then hides the body. There is much chasing after Hamlet, who is then sent off to England with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (R+G). Claudius writes a letter to an executioner there to kill Hamlet but Hamlet rewrites it so that R+G will be executed instead.

"Part of his vengeance plan will include him pretending to be mad, which in itself is a pretty mad plan [insert much depth and psychoanalysis]"

(Fortinbras advances.)

Ophelia goes mad over the death of her father Polonius, sings mournfully and gives flowers to everyone. Laertes witnesses this, and after news is brought of Ophelia drowning in a river, vows revenge on Hamlet. Claudius is fond of this plan, and as Hamlet doesn’t actually make it to England but comes back (his ship got attacked by pirates, but R+G still go to England), decides that Laertes should duel Hamlet with a poisoned rapier (long pointy fencing sword).

Hamlet chats with the grave-diggers for Ophelia’s grave, and finds the skull of the old court jester Yorick, causing him to muse how Alexander the Great could have been turned into a bung to stop a beer barrel because of decomposition and all. He then argues with Laertes over which one of them is sadder because Ophelia died (he actually did love Ophelia), and takes up the proposal of a duel, in which Laertes has the odds on winning.

Hamlet has actually improved considerably at fencing and for a while Laertes cannot get to him with the rapier. Claudius tries to instigate Plan B which is getting Hamlet to drink poisoned wine as refreshment but Hamlet doesn’t want to and Gertrude (Hamlet’s mother) drinks it instead. Hamlet and Laertes accidentally swapped rapiers half-way through fighting and when Gertrude dies, Laertes reveals the poison plot, and that both him and Hamlet have been cut by the poisoned blade. Hamlet stabs Claudius. They all die, but not before Hamlet has told his good friend Horatio (who is kinda in the background during the whole play) to tell his story to everyone. A messenger relates that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead too.

Fortinbras arrives to a scene of mass death so invading is pretty easy.

Bard in Brief: Measure for Measure

Marriages: 0

Deaths: 9

Best line: What can I say really … check out this link for giggles.

Rating: 10/10 (fight me)