Easter term last year, I found myself in a procrastination workshop, asking what, when, why, and, supposedly, how not to indulge in cat videos when you have a pile of books about Japanese grammar to get through.

“If I take notes and the Instagram community isn’t around to see it, the notes definitely didn’t get written”

Sadly, efficiency is not really my thing: why bash out notes when you can take your time to design a chic layout for each page of your WHSmith A4 wide-ruled refill pad? Why race through tomes on computational configurations when you can pause to reconfigure the materials on your desk – at least every ten minutes? And why on earth do anything if you don’t take a photo of it?

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Who knows. But if I take notes and the Instagram community isn’t around to see it, the notes definitely didn’t get written. Whether you have thousands of followers or just scroll through other feeds, these four hashtags are guaranteed to make your revision time fly by.

#Studygram

Did you think your set of Stabilo highlighters covering the primary colours was being organised? Thought your Cambridge pocket diary was impressive? Thought using A0 for mind maps was big enough? Scroll through #studygram and think again – you need to be making your own daily planner from scratch, mastering different fonts for your handwriting, and blowing your student loan on stickers, glitter, and general cuteness, before you can even start planning how to plan your revision. #studygram is the siren call of revision time: dangerously beautiful, but will guarantee a sense of inferiority.

#Oatmealporn

Some might be motivated to go for a #stationaryhaul after gazing into the stationary bliss of #studygram but it’s more likely that you’re in need of some comfort for your newly found inferiority complex. What better way to do that than a big bowl of hot, steamy, moist… porridge? #oatmealporn plates up porridge as never seen before: cinnamon-stewed apples and cashew butter are very much in the vanilla category, the real hard-core stuff whetting your appetite with everything from zoats (zucchini and oats), to carrot cake oatmeal, to superbly velvety coconut concoctions. There are thousands of likes to be had if you hit the right combo – you might want to question how on earth the humble porridge became the new chic, but all I can say is that Quakers’ instant oats will never be same again.

#Badtattoos

Apart from comfort food, there’s nothing like a healthy dose of Schadenfreude to make you feel more competent. My notes may be a mess and the information may not be sticking to my brain, but at least none of my revision is stuck onto my skin like #badtattoos. Having a family portrait inked onto your arm is a sweet idea – which unfortunately goes a bit sour when your loved ones look like they’re painted by Picasso. Who doesn’t hate it when your favourite Converse start falling apart? Tattoo them onto your feet – talk about sustainable solutions! Some go for more conservative textual tattoos, such as “It’s my life – Jon Bovi.” Well I’m glad it’s not mine.

#Weirdfood

Escapism is never a bad idea. A semi-skinned crocodile waiting to be sliced up, canned silk worms, conjoined twin mushrooms, a donut cheeseburger, a steak and strawberry sundae, and Baconnaise “The Ultimate Bacon Flavoured Spread” because “Everything should taste like bacon” – you name it, someone’s eaten it. #weirdfood sits at the borderline between cuisine curiosity and needing to run to the toilet, but it’s just oh-so-addictive. Oh look, someone’s put together an #omurisotto, a coin from #omurice and #risotto… what’s omurice anyway? Let’s Wikipedia it – ah, a Japanese omelette made with fried rice and usually topped with ketchup, and a prime example of… yoshoku? Oh, a Western-influenced style of Japanese cooking, how intriguing, let me have a look! My goodness, these korokke, piroshiki, and castella look yummier than whatever they were modelled on. I wonder if they have the ingredients in Sainsbury’s – geez, it’s dinner time anyway. Funny how time flies when you have fun revising.

Bread and Rutter: The Old Bicycle Shop

You might end up knowing more about the Meiji era and its influence on Japanese cuisine than the gene processes more likely to appear in your NatSci exam. But transferable skills are a thing, right?