Amatey Doku promises ‘strong and stable’ leadership in bizarre web appeal for vote enrollment

CUSU president leaves bored students in raptures of anticipation as he launches live blog to promote democratic engagement

Matt Gutteridge & Louis Ashworth Follow Louis Ashworth on Twitter

Appearing in a surreal video titled “*important announcement*”, Amatey Doku today issued a high-profile call for students to register to vote today. It came in the form of a bizarre, half-an-hour long video, which largely featured a red monkey staring lifelessly offscreen.

Doku said that he would be making the announcement via his official Facebook account earlier today, piquing the interest of revision-numbed student journalists and sending ripples of excitement through the stagnant waters of midday Facebook. Its launch was slightly delayed, with apparently technical issues on the feed meaning the first attempt was cancelled. For some time, it simply showed a picture of a red plush creature – believed by many to be a bear, but later confirmed to be a monkey – perched on top of the university publication Cambridge University Reporter, with unintelligible background noise the only thing that could be heard.

In the comments, unsuccessful CUSU presidential candidate Jack Drury asked the question on each of the 94 viewers’ minds: “Are we being trolled?”. He was joined by fellow won’t-be president Keir Murison, in a damning indictment of the lives of failed student union hacks.

The video paused for a while, stuttering again and prompting Darwin student union president Elaine Gray to say: “Hurry up already, the suspense is unbearable…”.

The Facebook Live video was launched again at 5:19, now with the caption “*Important announcement* Take 23”. Still, the monkey glared onscreen, with a kind of insouciance that teased and tormented the expectant viewers, sat on an even larger pile of Reporters. Students in libraries city-wide held their highlighters in a state of intense apprehension. One student confirmed it was a Cuddle & Love Jumping Jungle Monkey, no longer available from Tesco.

When Doku finally appeared, almost half an hour behind schedule, he gave a short statement calling for students to back his motions at CUSU Council on Monday so that he could continue to provide “strong and stable leadership”.

“Now if you’ve just spent the last ten minutes watching a video of a red monkey, in that time you could have registered to vote” Doku told his stunned audience.

Barely failing to conceal his glee at having successfully trolled Cambridge’s exam-stressed student population, the smiling Doku highlighted the narrowness of the student vote, arguing that the student population of just one college could have swung the result in 2015