I wanted to write something horribly profound for this week’s column. Something that people would read and feel like maybe the world wasn’t crashing down around their ears (and various other appendages.)

Something so good you might even forget that Donald Trump is President, and that Freddos are 30p now, which is basically daylight robbery. This is my last column of term. It was going to be huge, it was going to be that bit that’s about four minutes into ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ when the electric guitar comes in and everyone loses their shit.

Nobody, unfortunately, will be losing their shit today. In the words of T.S. Eliot: this is the way the column ends, not with a bang, but perhaps a minor fart.

I’ve found that generally in life the big concepts are too difficult or cliché to deal with. And people tend to respond better when, instead of, say, ‘love’, you talk about the feeling of having a new number in your mobile contacts, or, instead of ‘what it means to be human’ you talk about going for a walk in the arse-end of nowhere, or waking up before everyone else and things haven’t quite started in the world yet.

“Get some cross-curricular loving in your life, and remember, there is no such thing as useless information”

So, if we’re thinking ahead to having a nice few weeks off, and our big concept is, ‘How can I make myself happy in a world where Freddos are now 30p?’ the specific lens through which we’re going to approach that is: Five Things You Can Do Over the Break.

1) Go and see a band you’ve never heard of

One of my favourite things to do is to go on the website for the O2 Academy or the Arts Club in Liverpool and see who’s on, find someone I’ve never heard of, listen to two or three of their songs and get myself down there. Some of the best gigs I’ve been to have been bands that I only found out about two days before I decided to go.

2) Learn about something that’s completely opposite to your subject

As a humanities student, I’m pretty science-averse. However, I found the Bluedot Festival at Jodrell Bank absolutely bloody brilliant, and not just the bit where I got to dance to ‘Born Slippy’ by Underworld in a field. I got to hold bits of rock that had legitimately been in space, listen to Brian Cox talk about things I didn’t really understand but appreciated his dulcet tones nonetheless, try virtual reality and an echolocation experience. I then went and bought Seven Brief Lessons in Physics by Carlo Rovelli. Get some cross-curricular loving in your life, and remember, there is no such thing as useless information.

“Nobody else is going to do it. Get your arse in gear. You might as well”

3) Free arts events

They say the best things in life are free, and they would be right. (I really am cut up about these Freddos.) For the price of a £2 return bus ticket to Liverpool (which technically I’m too old for now, but I like to think I’ve paid MerseyTravel with loyalty), I’ve been to a Samba carnival, an Arab arts festival, a giant puppet show and many more wondrous things. Never underestimate the free event.

4) Make a new friend

Friends are like copies of the Beano, or Louis Theroux memes – it is literally impossible to have too many of them. If you’re feeling brave (and life’s too short not to, sometimes) go to one of these gigs or free events by yourself and be aggressively friendly to someone you’ve never met. ‘Don’t talk to strangers’ is a myth created by people who don’t like interesting conversations.

5) Do That Thing

That Thing you’ve been wanted to do for ages. That Thing you keep saying you’re going to do but keep putting it off, or letting things get in the way. That Thing you’re a bit scared of doing in case it doesn’t go quite as you’d planned. Nobody else is going to do it. Get your arse in gear. You might as well.

Big Mouth: Unleash your inner Hugh Grant

That’s it for this term. Don’t think too much about love or what it means to be human, hone in on them specifics. Because I can, I’ll leave you with the completely unconnected words of the legendary Tom Waits: “I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy”