How to: adapt to Cambridge clubbing

Sienna Hewavidana presents a how-to guide for surviving Cambridge’s slighty, er, quirky nightlife

Shynee Sienna Hewavidana

King's Cup: one way to survive a Cambridge night outMichael Morales

For those of us who enjoy ‘normal’ clubbing, the transition to the Cambridge club scene requires some definite adaptation. And – what are the chances? – here happens to be a guide on how to do exactly that. How handy! Do thank me later.

Dressing up

In Cambridge, the art of casual reigns. Gone are the Missguided dresses, the dreaded false eyelashes and stilettos of home clubbing. For Cambridge women, the dress code is the timeless trend of jeans and a nice top. Yet, don’t assume this look is straightforward. The effort of looking like you haven’t made an effort can be more time consuming than writing a 2,500-word essay on Mill’s theory of democracy. (My priorities are clearly in order – sorry, Dr Hopkins.) Having said that, the time normally spent crying over putting on false eyelashes can now be used on more productive things – like just crying! It’s a win-win.

The dress code for men is slightly more complicated. Depending on which night you decide to venture out, prepare to be hit by some rather unique outfits. You may glimpse white or black tie, animal costumes, and even the odd lacrosse stick being waved about in Life.

But, of course, don’t forget the classic staple of any respectable Cambridge lad look. The equivalent to a sportsman’s stash, no guy would be seen dead without their respective Adidas/Nike/Puma wavy garm on a night out. I mean, what other way is there to prove just how edgy and hip you are?

Cheeky Cindies

The highlight of any week for a sports team is Wednesday’s Cindies. A time to let loose and celebrate by vomming VKs in the loos or to commiserate by also vomming VKs in the loos.

“As the massive party animal I am, people incredulously asked how I would cope”

But honestly – no one really gives a damn about sports played on pitches and courts. It is in Cindies that the most competitive sport in the history of Cambridge takes place every week.

Blue-tacking

For those not in the know, blue-tacking is the skilled art of pulling as many Blues as possible. You may scoff but this historical game requires just as much, if not more, dedication and diligence as any other sport. I’ve become an expert at feinting – do you know how many times I’ve had to pretend to have lost my lighter on a night out? And screw football – sidling up to the bar requires some serious footwork. Blue-tacking needs to become a Varsity sport. Genuinely, guys, I need a new profile picture.

The Clubs

I may as well tell you now – there are no good clubs in Cambridge. There are only bad ones and slightly better ones. Key emphasis on the slightly.

Life

Head here if you fancy being drenched in sweat and possibly asphyxiated.

Fez

The poor man’s Arcsoc.

Lolas

+1 for the smoking area and -1 for the questionable aesthetic.

Cindies

Some of the highlights heard in Cindies: ‘Let it Go’, ‘Big Fish, Little Fish, Cardboard Box’, The Lion King soundtrack… and the sound of me crying in a corner.

Pre-drinking

Controversially often considered the best part of a night out, a key advantage of pres are that they enable future-drunk-you to forget you are forking out £6.30 for one VK. Drinking games are a must – here are the top ones:

King’s Cup (also known as Ring of Fire)

Without a doubt, it is the most confusing drinking game to play. Consisting of about a million rules, be prepared to explain the instructions a minimum of 50 times. Wait – women drink because four is for whores? Can I write a strongly worded blog piece about this?

Never Have I Ever

Ah, the classic Fresher’s Week game. Down your drink every time someone lies to impress. Oh, you’ve had a foursome at Glastonbury, have you, Edward? How wonderful. Consider me both intimidated and impressed.

Bullshit

Bullshit is a very under-the-radar game. One person starts with ‘I can name [insert number] of [insert thing]’ (e.g. ‘I can name three colours’) and then you go around in a circle increasing (I can name four colours, I can name five etc.) until you literally call bullshit. If the person cannot name all of the things within a time limit they must down their drink. If they can – you drink.

Of course, this is Cambridge and some iconic bullshits in my friend group have been “I can name eight bridges” (Engineer), “I can name four Bible books” (Theology) and “I can name four  Blues you have gotten with” (please just let me have this).

When I told people I was applying to Cambridge, one thing constantly brought up was the lack of nightlife. As the massive party animal I am, people incredulously asked how I would cope. And here’s how – I write articles on going out instead of actually going out. Adaptation works in mysterious ways