Let’s talk about eggs, baby.

Let’s talk about you and me.

Let’s talk about all the good things

and the bad things that may be.                                                                                                    

Let’s talk about eggs.

Salt-N-Pepa – hip-hop goddesses and performers of (a version of) the song above – and eggs are a match made in heaven.

If you were to ask me what comes first, the chicken or the egg, I would always say that eggs get the top spot in my heart by a country and maybe even continental mile. As Oscar Wilde once said: “An egg is always an adventure; the next one may be different.” There are so many ways in which they can be different, from freshness to size, from yolk colour to their very form – and the form is where the fun is.

Eggs are a prime example of metamorphosis: “a complete change of form, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic or witchcraft.” They can be used in so many ways. There are the obvious types (hard-boiled, soft-boiled, fried, scrambled, and poached), but that’s just the beginning. You can whack them in an omelette – or a more exotic ‘frittata’ – or make them Benedict, Florentine or Royale. Let some bread bathe in them to make French toast, or spice them up a treat to make Huevos Rancheros, literally cowboy eggs, if that’s what you’re into. Or go further afield and make shakshuka, menemen or changua (a breakfast soup). If you’re feeling particularly brave, delve into the culinary speciality that is the Chinese century egg, bringing Dr Seuss’ surprising-coloured ovum into reality. The world is your oyster when it comes to these bad boys. 

“Whatever your question, egg is the answer.”

Now, there are many Benedicts in the world – maybe you’re more of a Cumberbatch than a Catholic (we’re talking about the previous Pope, ladies and gentlemen) – but there is yet another set of Benedicts to choose from when debating the origins of Eggs Benedict. One Benedict, Lemuel Benedict, supposedly ambled into the Waldorf in 1894 with a heavy hangover and ordered a combination of ingredients to attempt to solve it. This hangover cure happened to be Eggs Benedict, and it impressed the hotel’s kitchen so much that it became part of the menu. As for the other contender, Commodore E. C. Benedict is claimed to have created the recipe by Edward P. Montgomery, a man with a vague connection to him. Whether or not this is the case is a bit of a mystery, but the Lemuel Benedict story certainly has more glamour.

Lemuel does have something right about eggs and hangovers, though. Some people go for a greasy spoon, some go for an Eggs Benedict, and some, the bravest of all, go raw. One certain cocktail in particular goes down well: the prairie oyster. Throw together a teaspoon of Worcestershire sauce, two dashes of tabasco, some seasoning, and a raw egg, and huzzah, you have yourself a prairie oyster! Francis and Bunny swear by it in The Secret History. Most importantly, however, P. G. Woodhouse’s Bertie Wooster is a real advocate of the concoction. In fact, it is the prairie oyster that forges the great partnership between Jeeves and Wooster. As Jeeves arrives at Bertie’s flat for the first time, he finds his new employer in a bad way after a racy night out, tackles the issue head on, knocking up a beverage, and safe to say it works wonders: “I swallowed the stuff. For a moment, I felt as if somebody had touched off a bomb inside the old bean and was strolling down my throat with a lighted torch, and then everything seemed suddenly to get all right. The sun shone in through the window; birds twittered in the tree-tops; and, generally speaking, hope dawned once more.” If that’s not a testimonial for raw eggs and tabasco, I don’t know what is.

There are also individuals who dare to take their eggs neither shaken, stirred, or even scrambled: they take their raw eggs straight. These raw eggs don’t accompany a hangover, but rather a hearty dose of healthy lifestyle. In this context, they are valued for their pure protein and apparently have a definitive effect on one’s ‘gains’, though I really don’t know whether they constitute a victory in taste.              

So, whatever your question, egg is the answer. A top-notch source of protein, a good old-fashioned hangover solution, and the real shape-shifter of the culinary sphere. But this is only the tip of the iceberg, they are a fertile area of discussion, so expect more egg-related chat.

The Cereal Offender: Breakfast like a king

The Cereal Box: Going Against the Grain – The Fruit ‘n Fibre

If you were to eat the same dinner on the same plate daily, people might call you crazy – or boring – but breakfast is exempt from this analysis, and repetition is welcomed. My dad is a prime example. He has eaten a mountain of Fruit ‘n Fibre every morning for the last decade. I asked for his analysis of this grain that inspires such loyalty, and he said: “simple: a complete breakfast and simply delicious.” It’s a combination of extremely pedestrian and pseudo-hip and trendy through its nifty use of the ‘n. It’s fruity in a fun way, but doesn’t forget its responsibility to your digestive system.

I must admit that I am a fan, the kind that can eat it for a month or so until I remember toast (a joy that I forget and subsequently recall and overdo roughly every term or so). Fruit ‘n Fibre doesn’t become overwhelming like a chocolatey cereal, nor does it bore like a plain one. What’s more, in Whole Foods you would have to give an arm and at least two legs for the number of banana chips that can be found inside one of these majestic lilac boxes.                                                                                            

It may be a controversial analysis, but I challenge you to grab a box and within no time you’ll understand the fun ‘n fan-base