It has been six long weeks of Bake Off-ing without a single mention of the Great Evil in the world of baking, but Pastry Week promises to fix it all – soggy bottoms are back! After seeing the Brighton Pavilion sculpted out of bread a few weeks back, I try not to be prejudiced as to what can and cannot be done in a given week; however, pastries are up there with cakes and desserts on my list of most promising bakes. To quote Mel, “puff can be tough”, and so is the selection of recipes for Pastry Week.

The fight against the notorious soggy bottom kicks off straight away with the signature challenge: a frangipane tart, leaving the bakers pondering their battle plans against sogginess. Is an egg glaze a solid enough defense strategy? To blind-bake or not to blind-bake? Surprisingly, the overly keen focus on tactics produces no perfection in tarts, although there are some clever ideas. My brownie points go to Mat’s piña colada tart, even if it is not boozy enough for Mary; Tamal’s mulled wine, poached pear and blackberry creation, although slightly out of season (no, I’m not an alcoholic, promise!); and Paul the contestant’s equally Chrismassy tart topped with icing Christmas trees.

However, being challenged by a basic frangipane tart is nothing like being challenged by a flaouna, which, obviously, is a cheese-filled pastry made in Cyprus to celebrate the end of Lent, flavoured with mastic (crystallised tree resin) and mahlepi (ground pits of sour cherry); just another recipe up your standard amateur baker’s sleeve, right? For once, I can only judge the judge: I’m not sure whether to love or hate Paul as he snickers at the minimalist instructions he has set for the technical challenge (the very idea that he is the only one who has ever even heard of a flaouna is utterly absurd to our connoisseur). In the end, the bakers' not-so-flaouna-like bakes, ranging in style from Ian’s Cornish pasties to Alvin’s pizzas, are equally subject to much derision. What value such an elusive bake has as a challenge, other than providing the Schadenfreude-inclined viewer with entertainment, I don’t know – having no idea what one is to aim for does not exactly let anyone showcase any technical skill.

Overly-stretching as the Technical Challenge may have been, at least it does what it says on the tin. On the other hand, the mass production of two different types of vol-au-vents, twenty-four of each, strikes me as a larger than usual Showstopper Challenge. Going retro with a 1970s classic may well produce enough canapés to cater for a Trinity or John’s sized drinks reception, but a bake that is all about rolling, folding and chilling puff pastry just does not a Showstopper make.

Despite the not-so-showstopping premise, Flora successfully defies the judges by making a chocolate dough – that is some serious, show-stopping arse-kicking (or should I say, soggy-bottom kicking?) Mat’s his-and-hers vol-au-vents are simultaneously adorable and ingenious: a smoked trout and horseradish filling for his wife, and a full English for himself – I would attend a drinks party at the Mat household any time. And there is major drama and tears for Nadiya as well, whose vol-au-vents are more of a DIY type of canapé with the filling not actually filling the pastry for timing reasons. I do feel sorry for her, but I think she would have been better served by just ploughing stoically on, rather than bringing the show to a grinding halt to re-cook her sub-optimal pastry. 

Perhaps better than the selection of bakes was the selection of Star Baker, the underdog championed against Ian’s crumbling Star Baking monopoly (I still can’t cope with his occasional smug little smirk and oh-look-these-eggs-are-from-my-very-own-guinea-fowls attitude). Pastry Week proved the remaining bakers a solid bunch, with the only soggy bottoms being the choice of bakes.