St John's

In his pocket

Our spy was perplexed to witness a gangly Johnian fleeing from the sweaty milieu of Club 22 with a conspicuously spreading wet patch about the middle trouser zone. The damp attack resulted not from any reckless uriniation on the part of our Johnian, (who was in fact the victim in this incident) but the doings of a most notorious and corpulent member of the rugby team, who had seen fit to thrust himself enthusiastically upon the vulnerable lad and piss in his pocket. The rotund reprobate is said to be unapologetic.

Jesus

Condomonium

An upstanding bedder was the victim of a cruel and unusual shock when she came upon a kitchen table lavishly scattered with withered contraceptives. Believing herself to be at the crime scene of a most disgusting and profligate orgy, our bedder confronted, not without timidity, the evidently bacchanalian owners of said kitchen. But it emerged that the offender was not actually a depraved sex maniac, but a reputable member of the Jesuan JCR, who had been diligently rehearsing a demonstration on sexual responsibility aimed at this year’s intake of innocent freshers.

Trinity

Buck pushes luck

A fit young buck of a fresher discovered a new way to get his kicks when he invited a blonde conquest back home for an evening of seduction. This particular buck, unlike his predecessors, is more often found scaling buildings than exposing himself. He had discovered a secret passage from his room.  Inching along the narrow parapet, the pair dropped through an open window, to find themselves in suspiciously plush settings. Too delighted with their luck to think whose rooms these might be, they began to indulge themselves amongst the velvet cushions, before the solid oak door swung open to reveal a glowering gowned figure.  Our buck and his blonde had time to scramble onto the parapet, half-naked, before the poor Don worked out what was going on.