Hustings: Gender Revolution

Eager voters were alarmed this week by an unexpectedly daring declaration from one of the candidates. Richard Braude, new CUSU Higher Education Funding Officer, raised his prestigious paw with the intention of grilling Elly Shepherd, sole candidate for Women’s Officer. Informed that it was against electoral rules for men to ask questions of her, Braude was overcome by analytical rigour and emphatically defined himself as a woman. As reported in Varsity last week, Braude’s passion for the feminist cause is undoubted, though Spies understands that he reneged on his commitment to a London march on Sunday. His bold claim to femininity is slightly undermined by his nickname, “Dick”, and all but destroyed by his tendency to wilfully sprout dense, simian sideburns.

Cambridge Constabulary: Filling Up

A keen couple decided to break out of the Cambridge bubble and give serious vent to their feelings.  Inspired by the rather grubby antics of Rizzo and Kenickie, the desperate duo leapt aboard her flashy motor and set off down the open road. They didn’t make it too far from the scholastic spires before their affections overtook them, forcing an unusually elongated comfort break. They pulled up on what they thought was merely fallow asphalt, adjacent to a petrol station but seemingly unmanned. Opting to bypass the traditional highway services combo of  some Hula Hoops and a Private Eye, the passionate pair wasted no time in energetically taking the “auto” out of “auto-eroticism” with distinctly dogged determination. The last limb they anticipated becoming entwined with was the lengthy leg of the Law. They must have been puzzled to find the burly visage of one of Her Majesty’s sleepless constables casting his officious eye on their intimate efforts. Spies understands that the selectively clad couple were informed by interested cops that, alas, they had been playing fast and loose on Police property.  We are assured that some snivelling apologies and roundabout explanations were needed before officers settled for a w arning.
Queens’: Currying Favour

Queens’ Ent was graced with an unaccustomed presence on Friday night. One of Cambridge’s better known residents, a “Mr Mahal” whose fame has hitherto rested on the outstanding quality of curry and ambience provided to the more discerning of Cambridge’s winers and diners, was spotted in the vicinity of the Queen’s bar. The venerable gentleman was making himself particularly agreeable to the young ladies of the College through a combination of natural charm and the purchase of enormous volumes of strong liquor.