An unnatural hush has fallen over the chapel of King’s College.

The corridors resound with the eerie silence of the Overlook Hotel – one almost expects to see two blue-frocked girls flash in and out of view. “Come play with us.” Sorry dismembered twins, this is no time for games.

It’s Friday evening. Seven o’clock. In King’s terms this is last-chance saloon.

The first batch of formal tickets were released at four the day before, but you made the terrible mistake of blowing your nose and, in the three seconds that elapsed between that and refreshing the page, all 75 tickets sold out.

Worse, all your friends have got them. Unprecedented. You need this.

You’ve heard that eduroam is “more concentrated” in the library, so you head there. So does everyone else.

Eventually, 6.59 arrives.

You are holding back a panic attack. The library smells of cold sweat. You have three tabs open, just like your college mum taught you. 7.00. REFRESH, REFRESH, REFRESH.

The fateful *system error* appears on your screen. You just missed a supervision for this. You fight back the tears. You fail.

Grief and relief abound. It wouldn’t hurt so much if the formals weren’t so good. Should you really shamelessly prostrate yourself on the Facebook group, again?

You don’t even hesitate.