Are serious relationships at university worth it? Everyone has a story behind their answer to this question; some based on a painful past, while others’ decisions will be dictated purely by personality. Either way, your answer will probably define the nature of your romantic life at university. Whether or not we believe in the value of relationships can be subject to immense change; we’ve all seen the commitment dodger who is loved-up by the end of first term and the hopeless romantic who swaps pining for love for casual hook-ups. With so much romantic possibility suddenly opened up to us, it’s easy to get used to the idea of throwing oneself in headfirst and just having fun. 

Eagerly adopting this approach, I never had reason to wonder ‘what if’; any romantic opportunity I liked the look of, I took. This continued until a rather unexpected ‘what if’ scenario presented itself in the form of a potential boyfriend. Suddenly, I was plagued with concerns about becoming so emotionally invested in just one person that I would miss out on other experiences. What if being single was more fun? What if I put in all that time and effort only for him to leave me? He didn’t leave though. I did. In the end I decided it just wasn't worth it – I was missing out on fun for the sake of something which resembled friendship more than a relationship. I suppose, in my case, knowing the broadness of romantic possibility in Cambridge may have scared me at first, and that’s why I entered into a relationship which, in retrospect, clearly wasn’t right, but which felt safe and simple at the time. The silver lining is that it has made me set much higher standards before deeming someone to be relationship-worthy. My experience has taught me not to settle, not to let myself be influenced by fears, or the pressure to have a boyfriend.

In my experience, feelings concerning commitment are incredibly subjective and context-dependent. After a relationship ends, one will probably shy away from taking that plunge again until the hurt has eased. Conversely, after months of riotous singledom, the various stresses of Easter term hit and suddenly you wish you had the support of a significant other. As Cambridge students, our circumstances can often be more extreme than those experienced students at other universities. Having someone on your side who understands exactly what you’re going through begins to sound like a good idea. But then, can two people with equal stresses and expectations resting on their shoulders make a relationship work? Where do they find the time for one another?

On the other hand, when you’re crying into your cup of tea and feeling like a failure, you start to wonder: can people outside the bubble ever really understand what I’m going through? In my experience they cannot, which is why, at the moment, I can’t see myself having a relationship with someone outside Cambridge. However, friends of mine do, and it seems to work wonderfully for them. When you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t part of the Cambridge ‘bubble’, they can serve as a reminder that there is another world out there – a monumental essay crisis is nothing in the long run and nobody outside a five-mile radius knows about that abysmal supervision you had last week.

I guess the pros and cons of each choice shine brighter, or weigh heavier, depending on how your life is going at a particular point in time. Right now, I’m navigating my way through Cambridge as a singleton, but that doesn’t mean I’m alone – with friends around me who understand how I’m feeling, I have the support I need. And after all I’ve learned about myself with them by my side, if I do end up in a relationship with just one person, they sure as hell better be worth it!