Related: Laurie Martin on gendered pronouns

'Understanding is Everything'

Anthony Woodman, CUSU LGBT President

It’s hard to deny trans issues are difficult. A striking number of really close friends who are well versed in L, G and B find themselves suddenly floored by the mention of anything T. It’s not a question of bad will, they just find the whole thing bewildering and impenetrable. On a personal level, an ex-partner has now transitioned (changed gender); whilst I quickly got used to it, I found that no matter how supportive I managed to be, empathising was just so, so difficult.

For me, this underscores the importance of understanding gender issues better. The fact that the majority of us are fortunate enough to be comfortable with our biological gender puts the onus even more clearly on understanding those who are not. It at once makes it both more difficult and more urgent that we – as a collective, societal entity – are able to talk about it.

In this regard, I often feel that ‘transphobia’ is an unhelpful term since I do not think for a second that the majority of incidents involving incorrect pronouns and misunderstandings about toilets and dress codes are caused by a genuine ill will towards trans people. Perhaps I have an overly sunny view of human nature, but I would like to believe that these are borne of awkwardness, confusion and the discomfort this entails, not an inherent malice. Understanding is everything.

It is equally worth observing just how under-informed we as a society are about trans. Most estimates put the number of intersex people at 1 in 1-2,000 and intersex is just one subset of trans. There are tens of thousands of trans people in the UK alone; calling this a niche issue is just simply incorrect.

To this end, CUSU LGBT will shortly be publishing a brief introduction to trans issue as both an online and printed resource. It won’t be full of jargon, instead it will be accessible and easy to understand. A better awareness, a better understanding benefits everyone. It makes an immeasurable different those who identify as somehow trans. But also, next time you meet a trans person, rather than mumbling the wrong thing and shuffling away feeling a tad embarrassed you can be content in the knowledge that you’ve made someone else smile.

 

Harry Harris, CUSU LGBT Trans Rep

When the barista in Caffè Nero asked me “What can I get you, Madam?” I found myself, yet again, sighing inside. With ultra-short hair, baggy jeans, and my breasts flattened against my chest by an elastic compression vest, I had hoped that people might use the correct title. I was unexpectedly delighted when my drink came back a minute or so later with “Here’s your coffee, Sir.” Why do I make so much of this innocent mistake? Because I’m a transgendered guy; if you’ve never heard of one before, the only example I can think of in popular culture would be Brandon Teena in Boys Don’t Cry. We do exist!

I came out in November, and I’ve already fought a hard battle to be recognized as male. At the moment, I don’t always pass. Despite my best efforts, I currently look like an ambiguous mixture of male and female, so it’s understandable that people get my pronouns wrong. I’ve found it’s best to have a sense of humour about getting “girled” – if I took umbrage on every occasion I would end up extremely cranky – but it is immensely important to me, because the cost of coming out has been huge. I couldn’t possibly have gone on any longer pretending to be a girl: living my life on other people’s terms was far too damaging; but coming out has meant I have become estranged from my parents. I’ve also become the target of a lot of inappropriate questions about my anatomy from cis-gendered people who have been fortunate enough to be born into the right body. On one memorable occasion, I was given an unsolicited opinion about whether I should choose to have testicles! Suffice it to say, it will be a massive relief when I have started a course of testosterone and can introduce myself without it being assumed that my name must be short for Harriet.

I define as a transman or boi, but there are many gender identities and not all of them are encompassed by the terms male or female: for example, gender queer, neutrois, bigendered or gender-fluid. If you identify as male or female (as I do), it can be difficult to put yourself in the position of someone who identifies as both or neither, but some people do; and if you do, then there’s nothing more problematic than being faced by an official document which insists that you choose one or the other.  This is why CUSU LGBT has started the Think Outside The Box campaign, to address the issues of those who are not binary-gendered or who, like me, are in the process of transitioning from one gender to another.

It can be extremely difficult not to unconsciously assign a gender to someone, but next time you meet a new person, pause and ask yourself whether you really know for certain what gender they are. The likelihood is that you don’t, and some of us would be thrilled, rather than offended, if you asked.