According to the survey, the average student has had seven sexual partnersTobia Nava

The wait is over. Nearly 600 students, representing a cross section of Cambridge colleges and subjects, completed the self selecting questionnaire last carried out in 2008. The anonymous survey was open to students over the course of 26-28 October. So, what are the headlines?

Heterosexuals are a minority

More than 50% of Cambridge students identify as something other than heterosexual, according to a self-selecting online survey carried out by this newspaper.

Nearly 600 students, representing a cross section of Cambridge colleges and subjects, completed the self selecting questionnaire last carried out in 2008. The anonymous survey was open to students over the course of 26th-28th October.

Varsity can reveal that 49.7% of the respondents identified as heterosexual, whilst 11.9% and 29.7% identified as homosexual and bisexual respectively. One student, who seems to have taken a little to obsessively to their outings on the Cam, identified their sexuality as “rower”.

Whilst perhaps surprising, these statistics are corroborated by the remarkably similar findings of the recent sex survey carried out by Cherwell, Oxford’s student newspaper.

Cherwell also found that 49% of its students were heterosexual, with nearly 33% identifying as bisexual.

Speaking on the striking similarities, the editor of Cherwell, Pieter Garicano, told Varsity: “It’s fascinating to see the resemblance in outcomes between Oxford and Cambridge. One wonders whether this is due to the similarities in student populations, or because Varsity and Cherwell draw similar types of readership”.

Average number of total sexual partners, by subject

Subjects getting the least

1. PBS (3.77)
2. Classics (3.84)
3. Natural Sciences (4.65)
4. Computer Science (5.45)
5. Medicine (5.72)

Subjects getting the most

1. Philosophy (16.86)
2. Veterinary Medicine (14.6)
3. English (10.93)
4. MMLL (9.0)
5. History of Art (8.66)

16% are virgins

Only 16% of the students surveyed by Varsity said they were virgins, a figure that remains unchanged from 2008. And of the students that have had sex, 71% lost their virginity before arriving to Cambridge.

Average number of sexual partners is 7

According to the survey, the average Cambridge student has had seven sexual partners.

All stated averages were calculated by taking outliers into account. One aspiring top shagger claimed to have slept with 10,000 people.

Nearly half don’t do casual

The survey equally put to bed any rumours of promiscuity. 48.8% of the respondents claimed to never have had a one night stand, with nearly half of all students in a committed relationship. A further 10% are in “complicated” arrangements. Comparatively, only 16.5% of students are regularly having one night stands.

But this certainly doesn’t mean that students don’t like to get creative. Ten respondents claimed to have had sex on King’s parade, whilst 15 have done the deed in a punt. Another 20 have had sex in a college chapel. It seems students are finding more inventive ways to integrate staples of the Cambridge experience into their sex lives.

The Rompkins Table, average total sexual partners by college

Colleges getting the least

1. Peterhouse (2.5)
2. Emmanuel (3.11)
3. Trinity (3.22)
4. Newnham (3.98)
5. Magdalene (4.11)

Colleges getting the most

1. St John's (10.16)
2. Trinity Hall (9.57)
3. Robinson (9.42)
4. Homerton (8.62)
5. Gonville & Caius (8.44)

Around 40% on dating apps

Comment Ella Mann: Bringing sex back?

Fear not, boomers. Gen Z are far from a sexless generation. 1920s swing is back in full force according to the *explicit* results of Varsity’s sex survey.

It should be noted that the sexual escapades of Cambridge University’s best and brightest included below are the more tasteful recollections. The stressful environment of rigorous academia seems to be reflected in the filthy sex lives of its students, producing a (literal) hot bed of chunning, bumming and strumming.

Perhaps one student’s concerns that Varsity’s sex survey is assisting “the decline of Western civilisation”, are valid. From one student’s splinter complaints after a scaffolding encounter, to another waking up to find their one night stand “pissing in [their] wardrobe”, Cambridge students have shown a clear preference for the weird and wonderful.

Whilst Cantabs might be having more sex, it isn’t necessarily sexier. Some anecdotes were a tad too honest, with one anonymous submission confessing that “one time a girl touched my shoulder and I nutted.” Cambridge students also appear very reluctant to give up their intellectual pursuits under any conditions. The pride with which one submission recounted interrupting foreplay to “complete my Duolingo streak” was a little concerning.

Varsity’s deeply scientific survey seems to have shown that Cantabs are not the University Challenge virgins many imagine. From plain Patrick Bateman-style narcissism to the earnest glee of one Trinmo at getting laid, Cambridge students continue to rival their competitors in both the exam hall and the bedroom.

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Unsurprisingly it seems that dating apps have brought little joy to the 38% of students using them. Only 15.7% of those in relationships met their significant others on a dating platform.

The survey also revealed the continued importance of the club scene. 41% of respondents claimed to have met one of their sexual partners at a Cambridge club. Whilst Lolas and MASH have facilitated many fateful encounters, the most popular club to meet potential sexual partners is Revolution. 155 respondents claimed to have met one of their partners there.

One in three don’t use contraception

Despite most students being sexually active, one in three Cantabs do not consistently practice safe sex. Precisely a third of respondents to the online survey said that they do not always ensure contraception is used during sexual intercourse.

In full Weirdest sex anecdotes

1. I was given a blowjob during the master's speech

2. My girlfriend and I had sex on the scaffolding of King's Chapel

3. I woke up in the middle of the night to find the guy I went home with pissing in the wardrobe

4. My partner shat in my mouth during sex

5. We had a college family meal...and it just ended in an orgy

6. I had sex in my supervisor's office

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The survey’s last section gave respondents the opportunity to impart their funniest sex anecdotes. From sex in the hot tub of “Watergate” fame and misapprehensions of gender to spontaneous threesomes and romps in exam halls, students are evidently challenging the stereotype of the boring Cambridge nerd. Vomiting and defecation were also a worryingly common theme to many anecdotes.

Locations at which students have had sex include: a bench outside the University Library, the toilets at MASH, on a desk, at castle mound, outside a church, on the scaffolding around King’s chapel and on the deck of a yacht.

One student claimed to have “shagged” a Varsity journo who “in the midst of post-nut clarity started writing an article”. That is the level of commitment that Varsity demands of its writers.

Whilst many were enthusiastic at the prospect at completing the questionnaire, one disgruntled student was not so keen, arguing that Varsity’s “morally corrupt” survey was complicit “in the media’s slow destruction of the Western world”.