FRIDAY 11th

ROBINSON
Theme: Folie d’une Nuit. Yes, another Parisian theme; this time it’s Paris by night. Though we suspect that even in the dark, Robinson won’t pass for Paris. Expect: Robinson are pushing food as their major selling point. That said, it’s a snip at £70 and is not a bad warm-up to a more lavish week.
Rumours: Tony Robinson of Blackadder fame and Paul Robinson, former England goalie, go head-to-head in a bout of chess-boxing.

MONDAY 14th

JESUS
Theme: A Night at the Circus, gaudy novelties, assorted splendorous freaks and a lot of talk about a ‘Big Top’. The ‘greatest show on earth’, apparently. Expect: A good range of live music and DJ sets, plus a lot of roving performers. Generally, Jesus is a safe pair of hands when it comes to having a good time.
Rumours: The Messiah himself returns to play ringmaster in the Big Top.

CLARE
Theme: Scheherazade. She’s a Persian queen. Consequently you can expect a sort of upmarket Fez kind of thing.
Expect: Clare is one of the University’s most beautiful Colleges, so no doubt the whole thing will look lovely. What’s more, Clare’s done a good line in Ents in the past and the trend looks set to continue.
Rumours: Former Union President and BBC sports reporter Clare Balding reports on the ball whilst galloping on a handsome steed.

TRINITY
Theme: So big and so bad that they don’t even have a theme. Big dog behaviour from the wealthiest College in town.
Expect: Almost certainly the most luxurious event in May Week – champagne will flow, oysters will slide down gullets and some kid will probably stay in their room working on Fermat’s Last Theorem. Not the biggest party atmosphere then.
Rumours: Sir Martin Rees, Master of the College and Astronomer Royal, will hand out bundles of cash at the survivors’ photo.

TUESDAY 15th

ST JOHN'S
Theme: Launching late on March 6th.
Expect: The usual rivalry with Trinity ensures John’s go all out – last year’s fireworks were pretty awesome and the food was almost worth the wait. However, given that next year is a big anniversary and the budget is rumoured to be big, it might be a slightly quieter year.
Rumours: John Major working behind one of the bars – we’re not sure it’ll be that funny.

GONVILLE & CAIUS
Theme: The Seasons. Bland-sounding maybe, but it does work a nice inside/outside angle that suits the transition from early evening into late, late night.
Expect: Caius is another college that does a great line in big bands but don’t expect to get a ticket – not many outsiders do.
Rumours: Cheryl Cole. Almost certainly not cool.

CHRIST'S
Theme: L’Esprit Nouveau, the splen-dour of 1920s Paris. Again.
Expect: A number of ‘fantastic bands’ and more inflatables and entertainments than ever before.
Rumours: Shirley Bassey, and Sneezing Panda.

WEDNESDAY 16th

SIDNEY SUSSEX
Theme: La Serenissima... we couldn’t really pronounce it either, but it means Venice (probably minus the canals).
Expect: Sidney’s biennial ball might be the best small ball in May Week – 2008’s ball got high marks all round. Just imagine Sidney Bar has won The Weakest Link, copped off with Anne Robinson and is having a party to celebrate.
Rumours: Some UK garage; fingers crossed for Craig David.

ST CATHERINE'S
Theme: Make Believe. Not that you can tell from the publicity, which is basically illegible.
Expect: Banging DJ sets and a pretty intimate atmosphere. On the same night as Sidney and offers a similar deal for two pounds more. The words ‘unusual’ and ‘imaginative’  feature heavily. 
Rumours: Old boys Jeremy Paxman and Sir Ian McKellen put together a two-man cabaret act called NewsKnight.