It is a truth universally acknowledged that a fresher in possession of a place at university must be in want of friends. There is no time to waste in your quest for becoming the next BNIC (biggest name in college, we’re not a campus).

• Waiting at the traffic lights on your bike is prime ‘making friends time’. The 15-minute window between 8:45am and 9am is prime time to pursue your goal before even natscis are productive. If you prefer to not participate in the 50-bike traffic jam, don’t worry! There are still plenty of opportunities to make friends while walking to lectures. I re-made a friend while walking to lectures – turned out we’d met the day before but it just goes to show, you can always make friends again while walking to a common destination.

• Find someone who owns the same item as you. It can be a watch, a poster or even those white plates from Sainsbury’s if you’re feeling optimistic. When everyone is so different to your friends from home, the smallest similarity will be enough to have you chatting for hours. Maybe, maybe not, but at least they’ll be able to remember you as that guy who has the same ‘Keep Calm and Drink Tea’ poster.

• The bread slicing machine in Sainsbury’s is a mini mystery to anyone who has never used a bread slicing machine before. If you go during peak times, you’ll always find someone to bond with over it.

• Sit down with someone at brunch and pretend you met them while drunk last night. This one will probably work.

• Go to an event alone. By virtue of looking awkward and uncomfortable, you will attract everyone else who is awkward and uncomfortable to come and talk to you.

• Wait in the buttery queue for vegetarian food. This one works particularly well at Clare because at least half the college is vegetarian and the buttery haven’t realised that yet, but any queue will do. Boredom is a great catalyst for making friends. If you’re in the queue for Lola’s, they might not remember you the next day, but it doesn’t matter, you can still count it towards your friend total.

• Ask someone if you can use their phone for directions. Everyone is likely to be as equally lost as you and is therefore relying on Google Maps to get to West Cambridge. Best case scenario, you will both realise you’re going to archery freshers’ squash and make a lifelong friend.

• Friend third wheeling. You know those friends who seem to say ‘hi’ to everyone you walk past on the street? Go with them next time and wait for them to stop and chat to someone and strike up a conversation with your meta-friend (your friend’s friend’s friend). You’ll bond over both being the third wheel.

• Attempt to go to the buttery alone. I’ve been trying this one for the last three years and I’ve only managed to eat alone one or two times. It takes a bit of bravery but even the porters like having someone to eat dinner with, so just ask to sit with someone if you don’t meet someone on the way there or in the queue. At some point in time, you’ll forget who you’ve never met before and who you met in Freshers’ Week and never spoke to again. You never know, you may actually sit next to someone you’ve already met.

In all seriousness, literally all it takes is going up to someone and saying ‘hi’. It may seem like the scariest thing ever, but the worst thing that can happen is that a stranger isn’t going to talk to you, which is no biggie. I’ve never had anyone not say ‘hi’ back, even if the conversation doesn’t get very far. 

People are so friendly in Cambridge that remembering all the people you’ve met and their biodata is harder than actually making friends in the first place