You are what you eat, and so is your Cambridge experience. Forget about supervisions, early morning ergs, and friends made for life: going to Cambridge is all about these seven snacks.

Sainsbury’s cookies

You walk into hallowed Sainsbury’s, and lo and behold, there they are, right by the door, calling out to you. Ah, Sainsbury’s cookies, on sale more often than not, the ultimate multi-tasker of uni foods. Copied someone’s lecture notes? Double chocolate goodness in their pidge serves as a perfect thank you. Hangover post-Cindies? Get in the curing calories from the classic chocolate chip. Want to make friends in Freshers’ Week? Give me a Taste the Difference raspberry and white chocolate cookie, and we’ll be BFFs.

Cheesy chips from Van of Life

Given that Cambridge doesn’t do nights out on a Saturday, you just have to embrace the fact that most of your partying, especially if you’re unfortunate enough to be a natsci, will happen before 9am lectures. Party animals among you, despair not, for there is a way to jump back to academic excellence in no time: post-clubbing cheesy chips from the Van of Life. The greasiness from the chips and the added fat from the cheese are guaranteed to suck up any traces of alcohol in your blood and have you rise and shine for that morning session on nucleotide metabolism or the interpretation of the philosophy of language à la Wittgenstein. The queue for the van also serves as a platform to establish intercollegiate friendships. Just bear one thing in mind: avoid the Van of Death at all costs. Unless…

‘Cockroach’ burger from Van of Death

…it’s looking like a long night in the library of one of the central colleges, but you’re starving and the deadline is looming too close for you to waste time in the queue to the Van of Life. We’ve all heard the (unproven) stories of unexpected extras in the burgers dished out by the Van of Death, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, they say insects are the protein source of the future.

Duck at lunch/dinner/formal

Apparently there is a stereotype of students living off of semi-microwaved baked beans, pot noodles, and tuna for weeks on end. Not so if you eat in college halls. Be it lunch or dinner, your KFC (not that KFC, but your kitchen fixed charge) is there to subsidise ridiculously fancy dishes. Guinea fowl for lunch, and duck for dinner – what is that the Daily Mail is writing about overpriviledged Oxbridge students?

Cheeky fig and hazelnut loaf from M&S

Everyone talks about how they go to Sainsbury’s, how they once a week pick a Taste the Difference product instead of the standard Basics, and, most importantly, how M&S is just oh-so-upper-middle-class and basically the source of all evil. But sometimes you just have to give into the temptation, and sneak into the forbidden land of fig and hazelnut loaves, Wensleydale and blueberries, and clotted cream scones. Just make sure to hide your treats in a Sainsbury’s plastic bag, or you’ll never hear the end of “oh, they shop at M&S”.

Coffee at Indigo/Notes/Sticky Beaks

For the hipster-minded among us, there comes a point when you need to move your MacBook away from the college library (because, jeez, you worked there before it became a thing and all the desks got taken) to trendier climes. Luckily, Cambridge has plenty of cafés on offer with beautifully instagrammable rough wooden tables and artisan coffee. Move your working station to Hot Numbers, Indigo, or Sticky Beaks, and Instagram success is guaranteed – I can’t make any promises about your Tripos performance, though.

Hot chocolate from your college bar

Essay crisis, home sickness, birthday celebration, catching up with friends – there’s always an excuse for a hot chocolate. Forget about the overpriced cuppas at highstreet coffee shops: the college bar is your new best friend. Also, every college bar apparently does the best hot chocolate in town. Trinity’s is pure indulgence, John’s provides you with alcohol shots throughout the day, and Christ’s does flavoured syrups. If you’re a proper cocoa aficionado, college hot chocolates are much like Pokémon. You gotta catch ‘em all, and make many intercollegiate friends in the process.