Congratulations, you’ve made it to the end of Lent! Except, of course, in the calendar sense, in which case Lent doesn’t start for another week. But it’s not just students who will be celebrating the Easter break; one taxi driver has complained to Cambridge News that he has been having increasing problems with drunk ARU students throwing up in his cab, refusing to pay and even threatening to beat him up – leading him to contact the police.

Bad behaviour isn’t just confined to the young. This week a Cambridgshire county councillor and his wife pleaded guilty to £25,000 worth of benefit fraud, after lying about where they lived to claim income support. The councillor was suspended from UKIP following the charges last month. He must have realized then that things were really going badly if his party considered him more offensive than Godfrey Bloom.

In breaking news elsewhere, it was revealed that being self-deprecating in order to get people to like you actually works. This week Russia poked fun at its own technical problems in the Olympic opening ceremony by recreating the now infamous failure of the fifth Olympic ring to light up, this time with people. The rest of the world reacted with surprise, mostly because until then we’d all assumed Russians lacked a sense of humour, before immediately deciding that Russia perhaps wasn’t so bad after all (as long as we all conveniently forgot the whole LGBT+ issue and massive corruption).

I would like to propose that, purely for research purposes, we all start making each essay worse than the previous one in order to see whether this makes our supervisors like us more. Just please don’t tell your DoS I told you to.

Finally, I feel I must apologise to you all. Last issue I mentioned that I was expecting Big Things from this year’s CUSU candidates: if Oxford could have a President who promised a monorail, surely we could come up with so mething weirder? Personally I would vote for anybody who offered to permanently freeze the Cam, simultaneously freeing the University of boaties and providing us with a new Luge track to entertain ourselves with post-Winter Olympics.

Sadly however, I’ve been once again disappointed by this year’s student elections. Of the six CUSU sabbatical positions, one is contested, three have one candidate and two nobody could even be bothered to stand for. The one silver lining is that this announcement has made the election so boring that even the student newspapers will be tired of it come Monday. So at least on voting day you’ll be spared the distress of having to articulate quite how much you don’t care.