Being a feminist in freshers’ week is like being the only one at a party who doesn’t want to dance. In other words, it’s exactly like being a feminist the rest of the time, times 100. We do want to dance, just not to Blurred Lines.

Not always easy, then, when freshers’ week – or freshers’ three days, as it essentially is in Cambridge – is all about having a good time. It’s about welcoming you to ‘the best years of your life’, meeting people just as keen and wide-eyed as you are, realising you are a small fish in a big pond, discovering the beauty of gin and Lilt. But with its baptism-of-fire barrage of swaps and initiations and borderline-offensive bop themes all concentrated into such a short space of time, freshers’ week can be an uncomfortable experience, making obvious what is all too often invisible: that misogyny – the latent kind, internalised and all the more insidious for it – is still rife, in the form of a ‘lad’ culture that prioritises male bonding above all, and isolates women with the classic choice: be ‘up for a laugh’ – even if it’s not yours – or be written off as a killjoy.

The worst thing about this kind of sexism is that it inevitably comes dressed as harmless banter. Any attempt to call someone out on it often results in them wheeling out the trope of the hysterical woman who can’t take a joke, and ostracising the “angry” feminist raining on everyone’s parade. Is it really possible, then, to have a successful, feminist, freshers’ week? To stick to your principles without alienating potential friends?

I could say that anyone who’s put off by gender equality isn’t worth talking to in the first place, but that would be unfair. A year ago, people leapt away from me as if I’d said not ‘feminist’ but ‘leper’. To them, the word conjured up 60s-era bra burning in GCSE History, and was synonymous with man-hating humourless-ness. Obviously there are many problems with this age-old perception – too many to solve in the five seconds between One Direction and The Circle of Life in Cindies – so don’t beat yourself up if you feel fresher’s week is perhaps not the best time to fully address the intricacies of what ‘feminism’ means today.

It would be offensive to suggest that this generation’s feminism and the contradictions it entails can be reduced to a friendly face – but that doesn’t mean it can’t have one at all. So prepare to have your views challenged, accept that we’re all just ‘learning’ (for now), and do the best you can. Here’s how.

1. Don’t buy bitching. While the mantra "what happens in freshers’, stays in freshers’’ is at least completely untrue for both men and women, such
gossip operates within a vicious double standard that earns guys ‘lad points’
and girls a place in the slut-shame hall of fame. Whatever you get up to
should lead not to a walk of shame, but a stride of pride.

2. Wear what makes you comfortable. We don’t need to go into the
whole heels conundrum, because no one in their right mind would wear
heels in Cambridge – either on the cobbles (Bambi on ice) or in da club
(your head would hit the ceiling) – but there will be a million invites to a million
bops with themes where the point is either to get you as close to naked
as possible or to act out some bizarre male fantasy. ‘Back to school’? Stand
out from the Britney-schoolgirl crowd and celebrate your curves in a lovingly made protractor costume! ‘Anything but clothes’? Take it one step further and go as an actual vagina!

3. Do what makes you comfortable. A swap is where a group of men from
one college and a group of women from another meet at a dodgy food
establishment with the ultimate aim of exchanging saliva and possibly numbers. This is achieved through copious amounts of alcohol consumed as a
result of ‘pennying’ and ‘fines’. You do not have to ‘down or gay’ – unless you
are a homophobic prat who wants to get trashed as fast as possible. Swaps
often result in the female members of the group being asked to do increasingly
degrading things for ‘bants’ – so don’t undo any belts with your teeth
unless you actually want to.

4. Don’t despair. Whatever your fresher’s experience, Cambridge is pretty switched on in terms of feminism, with a flourishing CUSU women’s campaign. I spent Valentine’s day last year watching a sell-out production of The Vagina Monologues raising money for the Cambridge Rape Crisis centre. We have our very own recently-graduated drag queen troupe ‘The Denims’, and we are the home of up-and-coming feminist magazine Ladybeard.

So good luck, FemFreshers. In the immortal words of Rosie the Riveter: we can do it.