Let me tell you some gossip. It’s pretty juicy. Here goes, hope you’re ready...

At a party, a while back, I kissed a couple of boys.

There, I’ve said it. The story, which I, apparently, should have been so ashamed of, is out there in the public domain. I’ve spoken. The phone hacking can stop. The photographer hanging around outside my room can go home. All is revealed.

It was fun. I wanted to do it. And I didn’t feel bad about it at all. But then, the day after, I began to hear my story retold, with the addition of one simple word: ‘slut’.

I remember thinking at the time how grossly unfair it was. I had thoroughly enjoyed my night. I can’t speak on behalf of the boys involved in this salacious event, but we were all young, living in a supposedly equal society, and kissing a few boys, seemed, well, not the end of the world.  The bad press the next day wasn’t great, but I didn’t regret it. In the end, my only regret from that party was the fact that I never queried the term ‘slut’ right there and then.

For the word ‘slut’, from the outset, seems like a pretty nasty one. And I can assure you, it wasn’t exactly a word I wanted fastened to my name. It stuck for a few days, before someone else came along, kissed some more boys, and freed me of it. But now, I often look back at that time, and wonder what would have happened if I had dealt with it head on.

In fact, I know full well what would have happened. Those using the term would have struggled to qualify it, because the society we are brought up in simultaneously promotes the view that women should be sluts as well as saints. When it comes to actually questioning why ‘slut’ is a pejorative term, most will struggle, because, confusingly, it has both negative and positive connotations.

I have been brought up to believe that women are equal with men. But I don’t intend for this article to be a sanctimonious, feminist polemic, criticising all men, and defending all women. Women are equally at fault: when they use the word to describe other women, it is often far more cruel and unforgiving. I have used the word before and I am ashamed of it.

This is simply an article addressing the word ‘slut’. When I brought up the idea of writing this piece, a friend of mine said that the word ‘slut’ was a ridiculous thing to tackle. "It’s just a word," he told me. ‘You’ll just end up sounding hysterical and over-emotional; all you’re going to do is undermine the very cause you are championing. Everyone knows ‘slut’ is just a word, like ‘lad’ or ‘wanker’." He suggested addressing wider issues: pornography, the magazine industry, glamour modeling. I told him I didn’t have the time (what with finals looming) so at the moment, small, harmless little ‘slut’ was all I could cope with. Maybe I could tackle those bigger issues later.

But this was a lie. I believe that ‘slut’ is a big word, loaded with meaning derived from these larger topics my friend suggested. It is the word used to reinforce these bigger issues. There are few mechanisms quite as effective at reminding a woman of the need to control herself than calling her a 'slut.' It provides society with a form of self-regulating ammunition.

This is not to suggest that women can’t already address the word when it rears its ugly head. If I’d been a little bit braver and wiser, I would have said something to combat my defamation immediately. I’m sure lots of women do, and that’s great. But there are plenty who don’t. They don’t want to sound like the hypersensitive cliché that I'm teetering close to right now. They know it is easier just to say nothing and wait for the next person to take the hit.

On this level, perhaps the use of the word ‘slut’ is fine.  Undoubtedly there will always be brutal phrases intended to chastise women, and it would be unwise to think they could be completely eliminated. On a personal level, I think it is a terrible word. But I can equally see why my friend thought I shouldn’t get too worked up about it.

I do believe, though, that ‘slut’ is not tolerable when used to blame women for rape. In January this year, a police officer making a routine visit to Osgoode Hall Law School unwittingly launched an international campaign set on targeting the word ‘slut’.

"You know, I think we're beating around the bush here," Michael Sanguinetti started off by saying. "I've been told I'm not supposed to say this – however, women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimised."

Women should avoid dressing like sluts. Right. Why exactly? Here’s the supposed answer. Because dressing like a slut makes you more likely to be raped. Looking like a slut makes you somehow guilty - the siren luring in the tragic rapist. The term ‘slut’ here is so dangerous because it does a lot to cloud a woman's innocence, despite the fact that she may appear, in the man’s eyes, as a slut. With pornography now forming such a strong part of many men’s sexual education, it is not surprising that the fantasy slut and the ordinary woman who might look like that fantasy ‘slut’ are being confused.

Did Sanguinetti really mean to say that ‘sluttyness’ causes rape? Probably not, and judging by the apologetic statement he made afterwards, he is aware of the implications of his comment. But it is his casual use of the word which is so telling, and which has ignited such a strong response.

In response to Sanguinetti’s ill-fated advice, one approach to dealing with the word ‘slut’ has been launched on an international scale. ‘Slutwalks’ are being planned all around the world, in which women will take to the streets, and march as an army of proud, self-titled ‘sluts’.  ‘Slutwalk London’ is the UK’s version of the protest movement, and other protests are being organized across America, Australia, Argentina, the Netherlands, Sweden and New Zealand; all with the intention of addressing the word 'slut'.

I’m unconvinced, though, that calling yourself a ‘slut’ is the way to address the word. However, I do think the protest will raise awareness about the term ‘slut’, and how it is all too often used to make women feel terrible about themselves, be it kissing a few boys, or being made to feel guilty for their own rape. The problem with supposedly readdressing the word ‘slut’ is that it fails to create a genuine alternative approach. As my friend told me, "there will always be words like that", and he is right. Addressing the actual word 'slut' won’t help in the long term. Women need to address each individual case as it arises, as they are called it and as their friends are called it, and they also need to stop using it themselves. They need to be given the confidence to say, "Actually, no, I’m not a slut. And neither is she."

Perhaps the most disturbing use of the word ‘slut’ is, in fact, by women, who use it to criticize, often jealously, other women’s behaviour. When we do this, it leaves us in a very difficult situation when it comes to extreme cases involving rape and violence. Where do we then sit? Was that the woman who we saw in the club last night really a 'slut'? The one we called a 'slut'; the one who ended up being raped on her way home. Was she therefore, possibly, as Sanguinetti implied, somewhat complicit in the event? Or should we never have called her a 'slut' in the first place? In doing so, have we only perpetuated the myth even further that the victim of rape has somewhat played a part in the crime?

Women need to distance themselves from the connotations that the term ‘slut’ brings with it, by avoiding using the word, and tackling it head-on when it is used. I don’t think ‘Slutwalk’ is really the answer, but if it promotes a discussion about what tends to be a taboo subject for ordinary women, then that is certainly a positive development. We need to think outside the box that exists at the moment, which is primarily defined by saint/slut parameters. Women need to remember that it is their right to take control of their sexuality and do what they want with it.

Confronting the causes of rape is a minefield. But if I had just nipped that pesky little ‘slut’ in the bud the next morning at that party, then I could have gone some way to preventing the perpetuation of the word, and the extrapolation of it as a justification for rape. I commend the women organising ‘Slutwalk’, but I will not be attending. Because, rather than call myself a slut, I’d rather just not use the word at all.