Cam is, like, sooo glamEugenia Tanaka

1st October - Dawn

OMA (oh my academia LOL) SO good to be back! Literally just awoke to the sound of, like, a really loud flapping noise coming from the street outside...? Peering out of my like super old actually crumbling away ancient window I see a troupe of academics cycling past with their gowns litro billowing in the wind. “The source of the racket!” I declare in a mock-detective voice and then litro just #blush… there’s actually like no one here, LOL! I pick up my handkerchief and wave it at the cyclists. One of them looks up and like actually bellows “welcome home, Kat!” LOL! #Tradition #MorningFlap. Cambridge is so random!

Midday

So after a totes lavish breakfast I’m out for my digestion stroll and I litro bump into my cousin Sierra! Okay so like she got pooled from my college (uh, wannabe much?) and it’s litro SO AWKS ‘cause there we are, like, standing outside this frickin’ castle let’s be honest that’s litro twinkling in the sun like a stony angel giving Sierra ridick jealousitis! I’m actually whispering under my breath the whole time, like, “stop it, you amorous piece of architecture, you magnificent erection, stop your twinkling!!” LOL! So #cringe!

We’re defs No. 1 desirable college, like ten out of ten everyone would. Dad calls it the workers’ college ‘cause, like, if you work really hard and get a first you literally get a three-storey house with a hot tub and an actual dachshund #WorkHardPlayHard. Mum was like, “what happens if you can’t work really hard?” Dad was all “ROFL, what conspiracies have you been reading? Have you been hanging with Corbyn again?! LOL!”
So anyway, Sierra’s like really offended that she was pooled. I’m like, sorry but we’re actually full? Call border control LOL! I swear it’s stuff like this that makes me think we could totally branch out, y’know, like litro just cut the Cambilical cord. We already have our own brand of wholegrain snacks (we all have such good digestion here it’s actually bizarre #Fibre).

Teatime

So like on my way to the library I literally bump into Charlie, like full on crash into him, LOL #Clumsy #WhatAmILike… “Hey there, Katrina! How about #Hameron #Piggate, eh?” he sniggers. I look blank. OMG I swear to Instagram three weeks in the Canaries has me like “WHO wore a leather vest and WHERE?!” So #Shameful. Litro can’t even see the loop from the Canaries.

I get Charlie to catch me up on current affairs. “So like, the ‘Auxiliary’ Place is seriously lagging in the tables,” he says, “The crux is now, right, we’re all thinking, like, it might be time to shoot the Ox in the legs, or whatever they do to horses. Cut the ‘Ox’, y’know, ‘Bridge’ is SO in right now.” And he’s right, it IS in. Other than sounding like a super cool hipster baby name (mentally adding ‘Bridge’ to the list) we are literally top bananas #LiveItLoveIt.

While I’m like totally spaced out brooding away on baby names, Hugo arrives… “Hello, earth to Miss Kettlewell?” ... “What?” I say absently. He chuckles. “Are you, like, coming out with us later?” he smirks. “Us?” (I blush) “who’s us?” I say in a shaky voice that screams “OMG I LOVE YOU.” “The usual gang” he says, ruffling his hair, “the Titans, the Eskimos and the Banana-STDs.” “Will there be chanting?” I flirt. “You know there will be…” he growls #Flirting #EyeContact… “I’ll try and make it,” I say nonchalantly, walking away. “Nice doing business with you, Miss Kettlewell,” he calls after me...

OMG so, like, litro just wait for it to be continued #NextWeek...